Wednesday, December 7, 2011
A task and my bad habit!
The task was given to me by my Master, he says i have nice hands. Only one problem, here i am in my 40's and i am a nail biter, always have been. I believe it stems from a childhood trauma and the biting gives me a sense of peace. God only knows why. But its more than that, i just do not bite my nails to the quick, (and this is going to sound worse than it is) but i also peel layers of the nail till i get to the point of some slight pain. It allows me to feel something, often times enough to satisfy the whatever it is in me. But now i am told my hands belong to Him now and i am no longer allowed to bite my nails. This order was given to me last night and even though i protested and told him it would not be easy, he knew this and supports me in this endeavor to stop. I dont like biting my nails but obviously there is some sort of pay off for me or i wouldnt still be doing it. How do you stop a bad habit after a lifetime of doing it? I want to please him and allow my nails to grow, to have pretty hands and nails to maybe rake across his skin when we are together, but its almost a second thought when i do it. Since last night when my fingers go where they shouldnt i have caught myself and stopped. But do i have the will power to do it successfully? Can i do stop this after a lifetime of doing it? I know i should, its an order now to stop. But i fear failure. On top of it he wants me to give a progress report every Thursday on this particular task. So we will see how the next week goes. This will not be easy for me and he knows it. But since my Master ordered me to take on this task, i will do my best and hopefully in the long run succeed. I want pretty nails, as does he. But it definitely wont be easy.. So wish me luck and if i fail you will know about it here on this blog, but if i succeed you will know too.