Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Xmas

Here in the UK we are basking in unseasonal autumn weather!
The calendar says it 25th December, Bing Crosby's White Christmas has been on repeat shuffle all morning, there is multi colour wrapping paper in the trash, the smell of roast duck permeates the house, steam is filling the kitchen, and there is a glass of port on the kitchen counter for the cook :0)
Yep... its Chrismas.

Merry Christmas to you and yours. Happy Holidays one and all.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

grumbles at the silly mistake

He calls part 2 was written by shi and not her Master, somehow it posted that he wrote it, and that is not the case.. Sorry to my Master for the confusion. Guess i didnt have enough coffee this morning to realize what it had done! laughs.

He calls (pt 2)

Shi has a sense of fulfillment as she is knelt at his feet, her mouth gliding up and down on his hard cock. Feeling his body body as he responds to her hand and mouth working him. He twitches in her mouth as teeth lightly scrape against him. His hands tightening in her hair, gripping her and guiding her as shi continues to suck his cock. The movements of the two of them, stirring the passion that is deep in them. Shi whimpering softly as her mouth, tongue, teeth and hand glide up and down that wondrous shaft. Worshipping what her Master has granted her, her heart quickens, content in the knowledge that shi is his.. Her body responding to the wanton ways of her sucking him, licking him. Her arousal more acute as she continues her work.. His hands forcing her faster and harder on his cock, his body tensing. Her free hand slides to his balls and begins to gently massage them, he moans gently... then violently thrusts himself in her mouth and shoots his load, his cum warm, a bit salty and ever so delish... she effortlessly swallow all his seed..relishing in the taste. His fingers begin to slacken in her hair and shi hears him moan contently. Her mouth slows its pace and her tongue begins to work around his spent shaft..ever so carefully as shi knows he is sensitive now. She reluctantly releases him from her mouth, and lays her head on his thigh... purring contently... his fingers gently caressing her hair as he recovers. He tugs her leash forcing her to look up at him and he speaks softly "thank you mine." Shi smiles and whispers gently "your very welcome my Master, shall i go fetch dinner now?" He nods and says "yes lets" Shi rises her leash draped over her neck and scampers off to the kitchen. The meal was cooked but kept in the oven for warmth until He was ready for it. She takes the food, serves it on the plates and places them on the table. He had recovered and sat to eat. She waited for his invite to join him kneeling by his chair.... shi felt happiness in knowing she was his for all times,breathless and pleased that she pleased him and continues to do so..Shi knew after dinner, that he would put her to use and she could not wait.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Happy Holidays to you All!

As Christmas approaches, i know for alot of you, including myself the next few days will be crazy sooo
Just wanted to wish you all

A very Merry Christmas and the happiest of New Years!! 

May all your wishes come true, may love and joy fill you at this time of year and may you enjoy whatever it is you do with such vigor and passion! 

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

He calls....

She was busy with her day doing domestic duties around the house. He was at work, doing what he does daily. He called her, telling her when he would be home from work. "Greet me by the door the way you know i enjoy!" he tells her. She smiles over the phone and says "Of course my Master" They hang up and she prepares herself for Him. She freshens up quickly. Steps to where the leash is hanging and his favorite toy. Takes them down and settles herself by the door. Kneeling in nadu, legs wide, hands gently placed on her thighs palms down, her back straight and her breasts thrust forward, by the door so when he opens it the first thing he will see is her in all her glory. The leash clipped to her collar and draped around her neck. The flogger she places the handle between her teeth and gently lets the falls of it caress her naked breasts. She breathes deeply and slowly, but with some anxiety welling in her chest. Knowing that when he calls her like that she is in for a night of pain and pleasure. She patiently awaits the arrival of Him.
Hears the key in the lock, her heart skips a beat, she straightens up even more reverently, and lets a smile cross her lips. He comes through the door, gazing at her as he steps in. He tosses his bag and keys onto the chair. Letting his eyes roam up and down her naked flesh. He takes the flogger from her mouth, and tucks the end into one of his front pockets. Her eyes are cast downward towards his feet, but she can feel his gaze upon her, like an electrical current running through every nerve. "Greetings mine" he says. "Greetings my Master! How was your day?" she replies. He says "we can discuss that later"  "As you wish" she replies. He crouches down to her, takes her chin in his hand and raises her face to meet his. They instinctively lean into one another and kiss ever so passionately. His hand slides to the back of her neck and he pulls her tightly to him. She feels her breath will fail her as he takes command of that welcome home kiss. Their tongues entwining with one another. His other hand slides to one of her breasts and she begins to whimper in pleasure. His fingers rolling over her breast, squeezing it firmly but lovingly. She moans against the kiss. The scent of her arousal starting to fill the air between them. His fingers glide to her nipple and squeezes it, causing her to wince  from the mix of pain and pleasure. All to suddenly he pulls away, stands up and steps back. " You look ravishing my shi!" She blushes and with a breathless tone, replies "Thank you my Master" He takes her leash from around her neck and tugs her towards the couch. She crawls on all fours in the direction he is pulling her. He sits down and tugs the leash again so that his slave is kneeling between his legs, facing him. He tells her to raise her eyes, and as she does so she sees the twinkle in his. Knowing what was expected of her in this position, she begins to slowly undo his pants.. seeing the bulging of fabric over his cock. She releases him from the constriction of the fabric, taking her hand and wrapping it around his stiffening shaft. She scoots ever so closely.. a sly smile on her she lowers her head and wraps her lips around that oh so delicious member. Her mouth and hand working in unison as they glide up and down, causing him to stiffen even more in her moist mouth. He leans back and sighs appreciatively, enjoy her warm moist mouth over his cock. His body shifts ever so slightly as his slave continues her duty.His fingers slide into her hair, gripping her head tightly to him, and helps guide her rhythm, forcing her head down onto his steel rod. Causing her to gag as she picks up the pace and he forces himself deeper into her throat. She rises up on her knees and tilts her body to be able to take him deeper. Enjoying his taste, his manly smell, and the grip of his hands in her hair. This is what she is here for. To serve Him in whatever capacity he so desires. Shi is his slut. Her mouth his to use for his pleasure... Shi is in heaven.... (to be continued)

Monday, December 19, 2011

Love so many different ways to

There is so many different ways to show love and be loved. We have the love for our children, our pets, and yes even some of our possessions. There is familial love with mothers, fathers, and siblings. It is usually comforting, sometimes volatile and often leaves us with a sense of a part of who we are.
Then there is a love shared between a Master and his slave. To me, and this is my humble opinion, a truly deep kind of love that wraps around your heart and soul and makes you feel more complete than you have in your entire life. There is this deep level of trust and commitment stronger than anything i have experienced before. Not to diminish the familial love we have in our lives. But i was sitting here this morning contemplating the different types of love. It made me think....really think...
The love between a Master and slave, is one of a never ending pool that flows and ebbs with the tide of the relationship shared. I am sure many of you have felt it in your own dynamics. There is that comforting nestled feeling you get when cuddling in your partners arms, that sense of security that makes you feel all lovey dovey inside. Then there is that ever burning passion and desire that wells up so ferociously in you that all inhibitions are stripped and you cant wait to claw each other as you fuck one another senseless. The ever dominating male, taking what is his, primally laying claim to his slave, his possession, every inch of her body his to use as he sees fit. The soft, pliant slave, arching her body to take all that her Master gives her, and relishing in the mix of pain and pleasure, seeing that fire in his eyes as she gazes back at him. Knowing that all they do is for the sheer ecstasy of the other. Two bodies singing their own song as the flogger falls or their bodies mesh in that soulful union that just makes you melt into a puddle of goo. Afterwards, recovering as bodies quiver, hearts beating so fast you swear they will pop out of your chests. Taking comfort that the Master and his slave are content, satiated and as one. The after glow covering them like a comfortable blanket, encasing them together. That kind of love is so overwhelming and fulfilling! mmmmm so delish! smiles

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Slut etc (Raden's Post)

This post has been removed from this blog to prevent offence.
To view it go to  Slut and other offensive words

Weird dreams!

I woke up after some disturbing dreams, i can only recall bits and pieces, but its was about one of my children. I dont know if you all know this but i have 3 adult children, These dreams were about my oldest, my son. Some disturbing scenes in the dreams, and only bits and pieces. I remember feeling frustrated with him, i remember feeling sad for him, and then it seemed to work out in the end.Then the dreams changed over to three critters i was trying to capture with one humane cage. A badger, a baby racoon and an adult raccoon. How bizarre is that? Somehow in the dream they were captured and i took them to a local park to release them. They were all captured together. Which i thought was really strange! Are they natural enemies? i dont know. Any way, i usually pay attention to my dreams, due to the fact that i believe its my mind trying to work out things as i sleep. I know my son is fine, but there are little things that bother me with regards to him. He is a grown man and can make his own decisions but some of them i feel are just plain stupid. The critter dream i have no clue what that means... i will think on this..
When i woke up this morning i went hmmmm.. what was that all about? Made coffee, took a shower , shaved my legs, put some slightly scented lotion on them so they dont dry out in the winter cold, made myself feel all girlie, fresh and clean! As soon as my hair dries, i will put it up, as i do everyday. An instruction from my Master, that i am to wear my hair up in some fashion till i am in his arms in January. Either in a ponytail, a plait, or a small bun havent decided yet today.
I also as i sit and drink my coffee, read the updates on others blogs. I just love hearing about others and what they are up to or doing, whether it is vanilla or a situation they find themselves in their dynamic. It gives me a sense of connection to others in the lifestyle even if they arent exactly what my Master and i are into. I am grateful i have found this site, and for all those wonderful bloggers out there! I feel like i belong to a community that i dont have accessible to me in my life at the moment. So to you all, have a great day! And thanks for being out there!

Friday, December 16, 2011


I love to read which Master is fully aware of. I have many favorite authors, and the books can be fiction, non fiction, self help books, fantasy,bdsm related or whatever.. I just finished reading one by Kacie Cunningham titled Conquer Me, it was recommended by another blogger that i follow, forgive me if i forgotten who that was. It took me several days to read this, which was very good. Its a book from a submissives perspective, someone who wrote somewhat about her life experiences in a 10 + year relationship. It covers so many subjects. I found it interesting, and a very good read. Alot of her writing was to me a practical common sense things. Reminding the readers that both Doms and submissives are people too. She covered things like the conquer me feelings, when things may go off track and her advice on how to get them back and many other things. Things that worked for her and her Master in the situations she covered. I highly recommend it for those of you that like to read too. Its great for beginners as well as those that have been in the lifestyle of your choice for a long time. What i liked about this book is that it was like she was having a conversation with you, made me feel like i was sitting across from her and having this talk. She never once made me feel as i was reading this book that she was talking down to me. It was simple english, easy to understand and she went into details of her definitions and why she had them. Any way i enjoyed the book, and it will be one that will stay on my Masters kindle for a long time, maybe down the road i will get a hard copy too, for O/our ever growing library. Have a great day all!

Thursday, December 15, 2011


Ok today is thursday, and i am to report on my progress of the no nail biting habit, unfortunately i slipped last night... the little pinkie finger on my left hand met the fate of my mouth and i am ashamed. Wasnt strong enough to stop myself ... what is the satisfaction or the payoff for me to do this? I really dont know.. The other fingers are fine, and slowly making progress. I so want to not do this.. I have been making a conscientious effort, that when they get close or i feel the urge to bite them, i try to occupy my hands in something else.. I suppose since i am human i am bound to slip every once in awhile. I am hoping as time goes on this urge will lessen.. I do want beautiful nails, i do want to do what my Master asked of me and i want to succeed. I guess i am bound to slip, but with determination, i am determined to succeed....Curses on this bad habit, i dont want you anymore!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Pride II (From Raden)

You have a six pack, my waistline is has seen better days, so what? You have a shiny new car on the drive, I ride a bike or take the bus, so what? Your clothes all have designer labels, mine just fit and are practical, so what? You live in a five bed house on a private road in an exclusive part of town, do I care? 
That's the trouble with pride. These days it's more about what you have than who you are!
For me, and call me old school if you want to, being proud of who and what you are beats the crap out of the puffed up, self opinionated possession driven attitudes that are so prevalent in life today. It goes hand in hand with the attitude that says that once you are over 30 you are washed up, once your hair begins to show flashes of silver, you are brain dead and OMG, having crow's feet or bags around the eye's means you cant afford a plastic surgeon to regain your youth. 
My mom had a way of describing it that is too good not to quote "Fur coat and no knickers", and yep that fits perfectly. Pride is not top show, its not flash, neither is it something that gets rammed down everyone's throat. But to many these days, that's just what it is.
Pride, in my view is that warm glow that you get inside that says "Great job.... see you did it". It doesn't need anyone to be exalting your status as a god or goddess. It comes from the quiet satisfaction that you overcame a problem, obstacle, fear, worked hard and just did it even though you may have doubted your ability to succeed. If you are cultured into believing that you are incompetent, you will begin to believe it and you will be just that, incompetent, or any of the negative labels that other may want to hang on you.
As we mature, we change physically and mentally, not for the worse but for the better. I don't and wont believe anything less than that. Sure my six pack turned into a barrel years ago, but it now holds a fine mature wine to savour, not cans of cheap fizzy plonk to piss up the wall on a Saturday night, if you get my drift.
Some would say that a slave should have no place for pride. I don't believe that for one minute. Slavery demands hard work, dedication and a purposeful mind that few possess. A Master/owner should not be endlessly praising his slave, otherwise slavery will dilute into the ordinary. It is for the slave to recognise what they achieve, how well they do and to totally believe in themselves. It is their Masters task to put them on the path and pull them back when they stray off-road.
Forget the cheap, fizzy plonk. It is a joy to savour the fine wine that is a modest yet proud slave.

Be proud...... because you deserve to.


My Master asked me to write about this topic. Depending on the definition you use for pride, it can mean many things. I do not see myself as prideful, but recently i do have alot to be proud of. The past several weeks i have accomplished some things in my life that needed tended to. Progress was made, there were one or two setbacks, but instead of letting it get to me, i tackled it and moved forward. Head way was made with a family member who had become distant, i believe there that there is progress. Where i hope a relationship can be rebuilt and strengthened again. A project i attempted failed on the first round, but the 2nd attempt has been a large success. And i am very excited about it. i chuckle softly here, because even the first attempt and now the second one, my Master says i have been bubbling with excitement over being crafty again. And he noticed a change in me over it. It makes one feel good when things that happen to you, that shift your mentality a bit to a more positive way of thinking. And it makes one feel good when your Master notices the change in you as well.
I have been feeling rather good in both physical and mental ways lately, and a big part of that is because my Master encouraged me to move forward, make changes that benefited me even though i was skeptical over it in the beginning. And since i belong to him, it is my duty to make the changes necessary to make my life more fulfilling and satisfactory. His love and support has given me the courage and the avenue to make the things that have happened over the last several weeks happen. I am proud that i am his, i am proud in myself for taking that first step towards these changes. I am proud to be called his because his love, support, encouragement and sometimes a slap on the ass from him pushed me towards these things. I am proud to be working on a successful project. Generally all in all i feel really good!
And i know in turn he is proud of me for progressing the way i have lately, the things i have done, accomplished and set goals to achieve, and that makes me feel even better.
I believe a slave can have pride as long as its a benefit to both her and her Master, there are many forms of it. I am no better than anyone else, but in his eyes, he treasures me and not only wants me for my body, but my mind and that mind has to be healthy for us to succeed in who we are. So having some pride in what i do or say or when i serve him is a good thing in my opinion, its a self esteem and confidence booster not only for me but those benefits bounce back towards him.
And on a more personal note, today marks the 1 month countdown for when i fly into his arms for good. And that folks, is something i can hardly retain my excitement about.

Monday, December 12, 2011

This ones' dream or perchance some day hopefully reality

The dream started with me in my little cage, my Master had placed me in it the night before and told me that is where i would sleep that night. He secured me with rope, tightly bound to restrict movement but not so tight that it would cut off any circulation, this one was hooded, her ears padded with stuffing to prevent hearing, hooded with the eyes covered, laying on her side, barely able to move. My legs bound together and curled up sort of in the fetal position, my arms and hands bound to the legs with very little movement. The mouth piece was left open in the event i needed to call out in the middle of the night, but i knew i would not. Before he went off to bed himself, he spoke words of comfort, telling me how he liked the way i looked, featureless, but naked in his ropes. To me though the words were barely intelligible since my hearing was muted. I felt the brush of his hands across my body giving me comfort, i remember shivering happily at his touch. Then the withdrawal of his touch and the soft feel of the air moving as he covered the cage in a blanket to help keep me warm..The little cage was next to his bed and i could feel the vibration of the bed frame hitting it slightly as he climbed into bed. I whispered 'goodnight my Master'. The feelings i felt as i laid there and thought of things before i drifted off to sleep were of sheer contentment, confinement and knowing in my heart of hearts i was His so completely. A sense of peace settled over me, i could feel the warmth envelope me as i began to drift off. I remember in my dream, how much love i felt for Him. Needless to say i woke up this morning, wanting and needing him so desperately. And i hope when he reads this it will make him smile, because i know in the future there will be times, that his little beast will end up in her cage, just as in her dream. And what he does to her once he releases her from it will be his will and desire, and i will willingly comply.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

His slave!

ok i have been sitting here trying to figure out what to write, what to comment on. I have alot of things to do today, get Christmas decorations up, work on my project and remind myself not to bite my nails. Oh and typical household chores need to be done too. The good thing is i can get an earlier start today on these things than days in the past. So i am much motivated today to do the things i need to do. 
On a personal note, i so long to be in my Masters arms, to feel his body crushing against mine, his hand in my hair, yanking my head back as he ravishes my lips. Its so hard being so far away from him and not be able to experience these sensations that we both crave. But soon our time approaches, and then there will be so much sensation between the two of us that it makes me heady. I can only draw on my memories of what his touch felt like, his lips against mine, and how he made me feel when he took what was his. 
We have waited so long for this, it is what we both crave, desire and want so very much. It is what i have waited for most of my life. A strong man to dominate me, control me, love me and make me his. A few more weeks and it all becomes more of a reality for us both.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Obedience (Radens post)

Total, unwavering obedience to her Master/owner is one sign of a good slave.
Slavery is not meant to be easy. Some play at it, others live it. Mine will live it when finally shi kneels beside me.
Obedience is not brought about at the will of a whip, it is a frame of mind cultured and developed in a slave either by their Master or because the slave''s mindset naturally burns as a latent desire in the potential slave. Mine is one of the latter and I am fortunate in that respect.
Shi did not anticipate or want an easy life. She will have no control until she learns to live a lesson.
Currently shi is learning a very important lesson, that of total obedience. She is under instruction to stop a life long nail biting habit. Shi has beautiful hands which in my opinion shi spoils with her habit, hence shi is commanded to stop.
This task is not for my benefit. Shi will have a greater reward than I when shi succeeds, and failure is not an option. Shi will know that shi is committed, capable and dedicated. Yes, shi knows the scale of her task better than me and she will do what all slaves have to do..... Obey without question that shi will be proud of herself because of her success in seeing what shi has achieved.

It is not my job to thank her, (but shi knows I will). It is my role to take away everything and create and free all shi is to become. Every milestone shi achieves is her confirmation that shi is Mine, and that I am proud to call her that! Mine.

ok feeling much better now!

Ok i am feeling a bit better, some things accomplished, other things have to wait, not feeling so antsy now.. Can only do what we do with the time allotted, so heck with the rest. Still waiting for the house to wake up so i can do some housecleaning and get that out of the way, but now will just spend some quiet reading and waiting for my Master to come on line..... oooh look at that he just logged on ...byeeeeeee


I woke up this morning feeling restless, cant sit still and i am not sure why. I have alot going on this month, with not only christmas but other things as well. Which my Master is aware of. I have to get things ready for next month and my leaving to join him for good in January. It seems i have so much to do and so little time to do it. It drives me bonkers, i hate feeling antsy. I try to take time out for myself where i can just relax and breathe, and even now as i write this i know i have soooo much to do. It is almost a sense of urgency. The house is quiet and so i cant do the housework, till everyone else awakes. I have a project i am working on and really need to get that started, it needs to be done before the end of this month, still havent decorated for christmas yet and i really want to do that as well. So with so much to do and little time to do it in, i need to just buckle down and do it. So have a great day all. And knowing i will be busy today, my hands will be busy so no nail biting today i can forsee.

Thursday, December 8, 2011


Is blogspot hiccupping? All but one of my followers, have disappeared, have to blame it on either a program error, something i did, or you all left, hope its not the latter.
Anyway this is day two of the no nail biting thing, and so far they havent even gone near my mouth. I suppose its because i am making a conscious effort to make sure they dont. I have been keeping my hands busy with reading others blogs, drinking coffee, and sorting things out for later for a project i am working on. Its cold but sunny, and maybe in a bit i will go to the store to return some things i didnt use on the last project.
As soon as the rest of the house awakes i intend to get busy on this project, and hope it turns out better than the last one. Although pleased with the results of it, something was way off and i cannot wear it. With the blogs that i have joined to follow i must say i am thoroughly enjoying reading the works of others. Whether its a view, a story, feelings or something holiday related.  And both from the sub side and the Dom side of things. Hope everyone is having a good day.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

A task and my bad habit!

The task was given to me by my Master, he says i have nice hands. Only one problem, here i am in my 40's and i am a nail biter, always have been. I believe it stems from a childhood trauma and the biting gives me a sense of peace. God only knows why. But its more than that, i just do not bite my nails to the quick, (and this is going to sound worse than it is) but i also peel layers of the nail till i get to the point of some slight pain. It allows me to feel something, often times enough to satisfy the whatever it is in me. But now i am told my hands belong to Him now and i am no longer allowed to bite my nails. This order was given to me last night and even though i protested and told him it would not be easy, he knew this and supports me in this endeavor to stop. I dont like biting my nails but obviously there is some sort of pay off for me or i wouldnt still be doing it. How do you stop a bad habit after a lifetime of doing it? I want to please him and allow my nails to grow, to have pretty hands and nails to maybe rake across his skin when we are together, but its almost a second thought when i do it. Since last night when my fingers go where they shouldnt i have caught myself and stopped. But do i have the will power to do it successfully? Can i do stop this after a lifetime of doing it? I know i should, its an order now to stop. But i fear failure. On top of it he wants me to give a progress report every Thursday on this particular task. So we will see how the next week goes. This will not be easy for me and he knows it. But since my Master ordered me to take on this task, i will do my best and hopefully in the long run succeed. I want pretty nails, as does he. But it definitely wont be easy.. So wish me luck and if i fail you will know about it here on this blog, but if i succeed you will know too.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The above picture

The above picture for the blog  is titled "Light of Life"  I found it through a search, i am not sure who the artist is but once i find out i will give them credit here. I like the fact that it looks old and cracked, not perfect but still beautiful in its own way. The fact she is kneeling staring into the candle, he is behind her holding her gently by the head, is he ordering her to look into the flame? To contemplate her lot in life? Is he giving her directions as he tells her to stare into that flame, or is he whispering what he plans for her that evening? giggles, now my mind wanders.... Personally i thought it was a beautiful picture, and so relevant to what it is that Master and i are.

Ups and downs

There are ups and downs to life we all experience them, whether mental or physical. The last couple of weeks have been mostly ups and yesterday was a down. My Master knows what i speak of, and even in a down day there He was comforting, adding suggestions to change the day, giving me options to improve the situation and just being there for me.  We are not all about beating my ass, or controlling my submission through his strong hands. We seek a balance in life. It is very important to us. We have discussed many times that 'balance'. Sure i am his slave and he is my Master, but there is more to us than that. When he or I is having a rough day we are there for emotional support for each other. We give comfort, suggestions, advice what ever we feel is needed to help the other out. We are a multifaceted couple as i am sure many of you are as well. Its like we have discussed we cant be in Master/slave mode all the time with nothing else between us. 1. We will burn out fast and 2. we need that balance in life to be more complete. We strive to continually maintain that balance, as lovers, friends, companions and Master/slave. So since i had a down day yesterday, there he was comforting me with my frustrations in a loving way. Sometimes things happen because they were meant to, does not mean i have to like it. But i can wallow in that frustration or pick myself up by my bootstraps and seek the options out there to change it. I prefer the latter. So with his love, guidance and patience he picks me up and does not let me wallow. For that i am grateful.

Monday, December 5, 2011


A simple word with so many connotations. My Master requested this post, as he often helps to think of topics to post. And since no new posts were done except for the one my Master wrote about my collar, which i absolutely love and cant wait to have it permanently around my neck, due to a busy weekend, this is my topic for today.
One of the few rules i will have when i am there is to remain naked in the house with nothing on but my collar and cuffs. To always be accessible to him when he so desires it. And even when he is at work, unless i am sent out on an errand or need to go outside the home to take care of something, i will remain naked, to help me with my mindset of being his slave. There will be by the front door an appropriate robe for me to quickly throw on should someone appear at the door for whatever reason. Oh and yes when i am cooking i will be allowed an apron to protect my skin from any splatters, giggles, maybe that will be my next project to sew.(The one exception to this rule is when mother nature comes calling then i will be allowed appropriate wear for that time) There is something comforting knowing i will not be encumbered by clothing in our home. To have my body fully visible and accessible to him. I can envision my sitting there, perhaps blogging while he is at work, nude, or reading or working on some sort of craft project. Catching glimpses of myself with no fettered clothing on. There is a sense of vulnerability when knowing clothing is forbidden except for those times he allows it. Or its necessary for the demands of the world we live in. It will take some getting used to i am sure. But for me this will be a small adjustment.
This is the physical aspect of  being naked and now i will delve into the mental aspect of it here.
To be naked mentally will take a bit more getting used to. And in the past i have done some nakedness for my Master to a certain degree.We agreed along time ago that sometimes i have a communication issue, due to my upbringing. That i have a funny way of getting to the subject matter i wish to discuss or an idea i wish to pass on to him. I often get embarrassed, or feel guilty for a certain idea or subject matter. So another form of nakedness for me will be to not hide anything from him, my thoughts, my dreams, my fantasies and the things in the dark recesses of my mind. He has mentioned to me that i am getting better at this, but he feels my being physically naked and nothing hidden will help with my mental nakedness. That when He asks me what i am thinking or feeling, because of the vulnerability i will be feeling without the clothes that it will be easier for me to tell him. And maybe it will be and then again maybe not. But He has a way of getting the answers out of me  even if there is a little prodding. But i am thinking there will come a time when we have adjusted to being together, that we sink into what it is that we do and become more comfortable with each other and ourselves that all of this will be second nature to me.
Being naked with out clothes will help me to consider my womanhood, to know i own nothing with out his approval, to help me feel more comfortable with my body and looks, and in turn it will help with the mindset that i am his slave, i am there for his enjoyment, his pleasure and that nothing will be hidden from him ever.That my body and mind are his to mold, use and take care of at his discretion. Master owns me fully and completely, i am his woman, slut, beast and lover. And i will do what i need to to fulfill that role with him and within myself.

Friday, December 2, 2011

shi's collar

For those that are interested, this is shi's collar from the maker's web page. It's  Turian style and hers carries a leash ring. It is described by the maker like this:
"This collar is hand made of solid 3/8 inch diameter Stainless Steel. The mating ends are shiplapped. This method for joining gives the collars a smooth and elegant look without unsightly gaps that could draw attention and snag on hair or pinch the skin.
It will not wobble, even when opened by it's 1/8 inch Stainless Steel hinge pin and once secured by a # 8 Stainless Steel Buttonhead Allen screw, it is as one piece."
My choice of collar for shi involved a a great deal of online searching over many days and air freighting thousands of miles. For me (and shi) the choice of collar was perhaps one of the most significant choices I  have made or am ever likely to make. It had to be right.
The collar is strong, beautiful, made with care and precision, immune from tarnishing and with its leash ring I have absolute control. It is our symbol of everything we are 24/7. What more can I say?

Thank yous' to those who joined my blog

First i want to say thank you for the followers that have joined my blog. And 2nd to those that have left comments. I am a work in progress as is my relationship with my Master and when i have a bit more time hopefully today i can explain what it is we are to one another and a bit about ourselves. Or as some like to use the term our  "dynamic" (which my Master absolutely hates that word!) Or if my Master comes on while i am gone, maybe he can find the time to do so. Unfortunately i have a busy day planned so this may end up being a more descriptive post for tomorrow. Not quite sure yet. Any way Thank you for those that have joined, and have a great day!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Rules..... the lifeblood of slavery? (Radens post)

My shi has invited me to post on this blog, I hope to make my submissions (of the literary kind) thought provoking if not down right challenging to both sides of TPE. To avoid any confusion my posts will be in this dirty gold colour, and labelled "Raden's Post"

Rules. Now there's a topic to wrestle with, as shi and I have done at times. For me there is one rule and that is sufficient, "Do as I say and learn from it". Frankly there is no need for more. We talk, I decide. Simple!
TPE is dependant on training and trust, and without trust, you can have thousands of silly rules to cover any challenging situation. That is not TPE in my mind.
shi has posted her "rules" on this site, they are a work in progress only, but unlike many slave rule lists I have seen that get longer and longer and longer..... this work in progress is more likely to get shorter! It has to or I will fail in the other aspect, training. Rules, to me are the standard. No arguing, no discussion a rule is to be obeyed. Fail and a period of punishment follows. Forget to wear your seat belt in your car and the cops will kick your ass. The same principle applies. Do it or suffer the consequences! 
The idea is, anywhere in life, set up a rule, train and re-train until it becomes second nature then the rule is embedded into daily life. Period.
Do I need a rule that says that shi will be naked at home in my presence unless given permission to wear clothing? Today I do, but once shi knows the boundaries and respects them faultlessly its a lifestyle. I trust her to know what is required and to deliver it. shi trusts me not to make her cook food on the hob without an apron to protect her from spitting fat or a falling sharp knife. After all shi knows as well as I do, that while I may whip her to tears, it is still my duty to care for my prized possessions protecting them from accidental damage. Sometimes common sense is a rule. 
So a rule is there to build trust and serve a lifestyle aspiration. Once its second nature, either the rule gets altered to reflect further development, or it become pointless as it is part of life.
I see far too many lists of "Rules" that could be reduced to a few salient points that work just as well as 50 pointless deviations from a minor theme.
Speaking personally, shi and I speak openly and frankly about our life.I know her limits, shi knows mine. Our limits will change as our trust and confidence in one another grows. After all, our lifestyle will be living life to its limits. Life changes and without open, honest, respectful communication having 500 rules is as pointless as one.

A bit of a change

I have changed my blog title, to incorporate my Master and his thoughts into this blog. He is now a contributor to this blog as well. Another thing we have decided to join together in. He still wants the emphasis to be on my slavery. But now He has the choice to post something other than a comment on this. I would like very much for this blog to be about both of U/us. And now He can when he chooses to.


This one not only has the need and desire to submit fully to her Master, a hunger that will never go away till i am in his arms, but also has a hunger to learn from others, to see what others in this lifestyle deal with on a daily basis. Whether from the Dominant/Master side or the submissive/slave side. I have come across many wonderful blogs, hit follow on the ones that catch my eye and have thoroughly enjoyed reading many of them. Its not so much about the sex that someone may have had, but the feelings they deal with after a particular event or even before and how they changed after. I also have one or two blogs i follow that have erotic writings in them and i so do enjoy a good story. But my thirst for reading goes beyond that, Sir J recommended a book to read titled Conquer me by Kacie Cunningham and my Master was kind enough to get it for us on kindle. We have many a books on the subject of bdsm, Master and slave, rope bondage etc as well as some books for him that deal with his love for photography, some comedy books as well. I am a very avid reader, whether with fiction, non fiction, fantasy or bdsm. It sometimes drives my Master crazy that i love to read so much. (and the fact that i read fast as well). One of things i love to do is to read to my Master, whether it be a story or self help book, whether its vanilla or bdsm related. And he enjoys hearing my voice. That is one thing i know we will take time out for on a quiet evening, just sitting together as i read to him occassionally. Of course reading silently is different than reading aloud to someone. Where i read fast when reading to myself, i will slow down and make sure that i reiterate the words i am reading aloud. It makes me feel content inside when i am allowed to read to him. Although it will be different when i am actually in front of him, or curled in his arms, or kneeling at his feet, naked and collared, possibly leashed as i hold the book or kindle and read... grins, as opposed to sitting behind a computer and reading to him over the internet. Something tells me that sometimes i may not get through a chapter of the book i am reading, as He may be sitting there doing things to me that distracts my reading, and thats ok, thats what bookmarks are for... giggles.....

Wednesday, November 30, 2011


Had an interesting conversation with a long time friend and former sister of mine regarding labels. I love talking to her because we share so much with one another, and i find her input valuable and precious. We may not always agree, but that is what friends do, debate, talk and work through things. But she is more than a friend to me she is also a dear sister in this crazy life we call bdsm. I then carried on that conversation with my Master. The labels we spoke of was Master and Owner, and slave and possession.  I know there are many labels out there, i guess its a way of categorizing ourselves for our own benefit and to let others know what we are in the right settings. I know from personal experience and from speaking with others there are many levels of D/s and M/s. And what may work for you may not work for my relationship and visa versa. And i in no way mean to dish or demonize anyone's labels as to what they call themselves. I guess labels are a necessary part of life whether vanilla or not.  And often times labels blend together. Or at times you wear more than one. But one thing my Master and i have discovered is no matter what label we are wearing, we are who we are. Its not the labels that are important but how we are to one another that is. He is my Master, my Owner, my Lover and my Friend. I am his slave, beast, slut, lover and friend as well. So one day i may be the slave, wanton and well used, then next his lover curled up in his arms as we watch TV, or his beast crawling on hands and knees, following his orders. And just as there are many different types of Masters/Owners and many types of slaves/possessions. We do not hold steadfast to one label over another. For i feel if we did then we would stagnate and not progress to the many levels we know we both have. This is just my humble opinion. We are who we are, we are who we want to be and we are what we crave to be to one another. I consider myself his slave and its how i address myself many times in this blog, but i am so much more to him as he is to me.  So whatever label you and your partner call yourselves, all that really matters is what you two are to each other. And my wish for all is to be happy, fulfilled, content in your relationship as i know i am in mine. Just some random thoughts from this slave to those willing to read it. Have a great day A/all.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Pt 2 Discipline

In yesterday's blog entry i wrote about discipline in the sense of training and being focused. Today i will write about discipline in times when i may need correction. And i want to apologize for the highlighted text, i am not sure why that did what it did, but i hope after some fiddling with it it looks a little better now. Discipline may also entail corrections for me. I am not perfect and know i will falter sometimes. My discipline for these infractions may include any number of things that my Master deems appropriate. What ever privileges i have may be revoked, i may be isolated and bound to reflect on that infraction, attention to my Master may be denied. It can include punishment with any of the tools Master sees fit. After all discipline is deemed appropriate to maintain my mindset as his complete woman. I am his lover, his slut, his slave and his beast. And for any infractions i may entail, i accept the knowledge that being disciplined is a part of who we are. Now for more serious infractions there may be more severe punishment and i accept that as well. After all i am His to do with as he not only wishes but what he deems is necessary. And to be punished whether physically or mentally for whatever it is i may do wrong will only help me to grow and become more of the woman he wants from me. So again acceptance comes in. It is what i am after all.
     My Master  has allowed me to post the beginning of my rules on this blog, which are in their own tab. I will learn these rules, adopt to any new ones He desires of me and together as Master/slave we will move forward in this relationship.

Monday, November 28, 2011


My Master asked me to write about Discipline ...hmmm i thought as he laid out some possibilities. According to
1. training to act in accordance with rules' drill: military discipline
2. activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training:
3. punishment inflicted by way of correction and training.
4. the rigor or training effect of experience, adversity
5. behavior in accord with rules of conduct; behaviou and order maintained by training and control.

There are many forms of discipline. For example it takes discipline to make a dress from a pattern.  A project i am currently working on, for any craft or hobby it takes discipline to know the rules of what you are doing and in turn you get the desired result. If you dont know what you are doing it can be a disastrous result. Same with learning to type on a typewriter or keyboard. There is a basis of how to do it correctly. And your fingers eventually get muscle memory on where they go and how they work. There is discipline in an exercise routine as well. Whether its yoga, or other forms, if you dont know what  they are you could hurt yourself. Or you could not get the results you want for not doing it correctly. So as you do your routine, it becomes more and more familiar and you get to know it second nature. Its a form of discipline. 
There is also discipline in training whatever form that may take, as i am a slave, i will refer mostly to what i will be experiencing once i cross that ocean. Discipline can be used to modify behavior or attitude. Training can be as simple as learning the proper kneels or poses your Master wants you in to highlight your assets. The proper way to crawl so as to be appealing in such a way that pleases Him. The posture of your training is a form of discipline. The repetition of doing your poses, your kneels, your crawling while leashed is important. It takes discipline to get them right, to have your body remember the positions.  
Discipline is also necessary to maintain your mindset. I will be living the life a slave, to be at His beck and call. To always be available for whatever He wants or needs. Being collared, leashed, made to crawl at his feet helps to maintain that mindset. But also so does being bound, hooded, senses deprived and caged for extended periods of time. Where you have nothing to focus on but your mind and body. Sure you will feel itches, tingles, muscles aching.  You will feel the heat of the hood as the darkness envelops you. You wont be able to speak, see or hear anything around you. This discipline forces you to go into your mind.  To think about nothing but the beast you will become, to contemplate your lot, to know you are nothing without your Master.  To know you are there for as long as He wishes you to be, to be placed there to just think about your slavery, your rules, your disciplines, to know that you will be all that you can be for Him. 

Sunday, November 27, 2011


I sit here with the knowledge that soon i will be in Masters arms. Will be at the feet of this incredible man, collared, leashed and naked, awaiting His desire of me. I hope i get to a stage where i will be able to anticipate his needs and desires, but that will come in time. And i know He may not always want me to anticipate that. My heart swells with such love for this man, it just blows me away sometime. The ache i have for him cannot be filled completely till i am with Him. He desires such things from me and i of him, that we mesh so well. We are meant to be together. We are meant to be Master and slave. It is our destiny. He craves to do things to me that i crave that i want done. There will be times of exquisite pain, pleasure, carnal desires, wanton animalistic lust. He has made plans to take some vacation time when i fly to him so we do not have to do anything than concentrate on one another, and i begin my training as his slut. I will be his everything as he will be mine. There is such a contentment flowing through me knowing that i will be molded, both physically and mentally as his complete slave. I have no illusions, my training will not always be easy, it will not always be fun, but i do know that through this process i will be what He wants and needs. And through this process i will grow not only as a complete woman but as a complete slave. Walls will be broken down, my mindset and body will know what it is to be a slave to the man that owns her. My body and mind will crave the bondage, the pain, the mind blowing orgasms, i will wear the marks he places there proudly, from either discipline or punishment. I will wake every morning knowing who and what i am so much deeper and more completely than i have ever have before. This is my lot i willingly choose, i willingly accept and knowing my life will change forever, fills me completely with love, contentment and desire to be His always.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

my slave name shi (pronounced 'she')

Just in case anyone was wondering, shi is my slave name, given to me by my Master. It is pronounced she, like the word we use in our everyday lives. It is short for shibari, the wonderful art of Japanese rope bondage. My Master spent many a moments trying to come up with an appropriate slave name. The name was shortened to shiba. Shiba to me sounded too royal or regal, which thankfully he shortened to shi, its the name i have worn now for nearly three years. It is this name or the word 'mine' that He will use when he addresses me. My legal name will not exist in our relationship. It is what we have both agreed upon.  To be called shi or mine, is my association with my slavery. It is what i feel more comfortable being known as. I feel completely comfortable with this. It is who i am. It is who my Master wishes me to be. In my rules, one of the first things is that i own nothing, not even my name without His approval, and i am good with that. When He calls me shi or mine, i smile, for i am his slave, given these names as a sign of endearment from Him. Shibari is a lovely form of rope bondage that can be oh so beautiful as well as used for various forms of bondage. I am encapsulated in my Masters bondage, whether i wear ropes or not. Hence the name given. Whether i am at his home naked, going about my day, or bound in ropes and isolated in my cage to contemplate my slavery, the name shi is very appropriate for me as his slave. And i shall wear the name proudly and never do anything to dishonor it or Him.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Shi is....and wants

Shi is a woman owned by her Master.
Shi is the hungry little slut that her Master finds delicious.
Shi is a woman that is opening up like the budding flower bursting through the ground in springtime.
Shi is feeling so loved by her Master that it overwhelms her.
Shi is so much love with her Master, her body aches for Him.
Shi is so desiring her Master, to bring Him pleasure and pride as shi serves and honors Him.
Shi wants to feel the soft caress of her Masters touch and stare adoringly into His eyes.
Shi wants to feel the tight bonds from her Masters hands, to feel the comfort of knowing in those bonds shi is everything to Him.
Shi wants to feel his warm body tightly entwined with hers in the throes of passion, lust and desire.
Shi wants and craves the kiss of His stinging crop against her skin, or the dull thud of His flogger.
Shi wants to feel the delicious pains He will and can draw from her as He takes what is His.
Shi wants to hear herself moan and scream as He elicits from her things rarely done.
Shi wants time to pass quicker so that they can begin their lives together as Master and slave.
To fulfill both their destinies in this relationship they both want, need and crave.
Shi wants more than anything to be at her Masters feet, kneeling like the slave shi is giving her best to Him at all times!

Thursday, November 24, 2011


That little four letter word! How i love hearing it. My Master calls me that in greeting, in being endearing, and in closing. As i am a possession, his possession, i love hearing it. He gave me the slave name shi, which i also love hearing. But the word "mine" gives me such a lovely deep warm feeling when i hear it. After all i am His. i identify with it. So much so that when someone uses my real name it takes me a second to go "oh yeah thats me". "Mine" such a small word, but with so much meaning behind it. I am His, forever and inexplicably His and that could not make me happier. The days are ticking away.. and before we know it, i will not only hear the word mine but feel it as well. In his arms, under his control and always his slave.  I love you my Master, always and forever.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The sun is out!

The sun is out and its a relatively wonderful sunny day, its not so cold that you need a coat, but you do need a sweater, it inspired me to go out shopping. After so many days of rain and cold, i went walked around our downtown. Hit some small businesses, and some chain stores. Didnt find what i was looking for but that doesnt matter. I was out on a mission, and the fact the mission was not fulfilled, i feel good. Its amazing what the sun can do for not only your health but your disposition.  Went to a local craft store and did some shopping there, decided i am going to sew. Havent done it in awhile and i think with what i got and the fact it was practically all on sale was a boost. So going to dig out the machine, dust it off, make sure its working correctly and get busy on this project.  Woot i have something to do. Maybe when i am done i will take a pic and post it here, if it turns out the way i envision it. Any way, i am feeling good, chipper, and have a project to do. Now where did i put that measuring tape?

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Heart in the sand

i came across a picture of a heart drawn in the sand on an ocean beach, its pointed end facing the water..i know this may sound bizarre, but that is me. I live in the states and my Master lives in Europe. The heart patiently waits in the sand till the waves wash it away carrying it across the ocean... My wave will come in January when i am whisked away  to His arms. I am struggling with impatience here on this side of the ocean, every day little things are getting to me. The weather has been crappy and rainy and maybe that is why my mood is the way it is. I am frustrated with the some of the people in my life. And if i do not put this in check, i am afraid i will just explode!  i took a hot shower this morning trying  to relax some of this tension and frustration.. it helped some. It seems the more i attempt to do here the less i seem to be progressing, and that is not referring to my slavery but my everyday vanilla life. So it comes to a point for me where i either just go off on everyone and say 'f*** it' or i try to find a calming center and just bide my time. I guess i am wanting this so bad to just come around, start my life with my Master that its eating at me. I know it has to be frustrating for him as well to have to sit and wait for things to be dealt with on my end. But the one consolation for me and i am sure for him is that my flight is booked.. and come hell and high water, i will be on it...Continuing my destiny in my Masters arms!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Others musings

I have spent a good part of the morning, reading and searching for other blogs of both submissives and Dominants. Only because i woke up wondering what to write in this daily blog. I have joined several others as a follower here. It amazes me and i am not sure why, that there are others that share the same feelings, emotions, desires and wants like i have. I am slightly envious of the ones that live with their Masters, but happy for them as well, that get to live the life i so crave. I have found i am becoming impatient, wanting to experience the daily life of a slave. My time will come, my flight is booked and now i tick away the days till it actually happens. It is hard to want something so badly and not have quite in reach yet. Do not get me wrong, i have daily contact with my Master through  a couple of avenues, and for now that is sufficient. But to see others living and dealing with their daily lives with their Masters within inches of them is what i desire as well. I just have to deal with the feelings i have running through me being so far away from Him.  I have to deal with impatience i feel. I know my Master is just as anxious to have me kneeling at his feet naked, collared and leashed to do with me what we have talked about for so long. When i get to feeling this way i think back to when we were together and that brings me comfort. I remember his sweat slick body as He fucked me, i remember his warm lips as He ravished mine. I remember the kiss of his flogger as it landed on my bare skin. The feel of the rope that bound me tightly, and i smile here because the one thing i remember more vividly than all that was being chained to his bed as we slept. Whether it was the leash attached to the head post, or the chain around my ankle to the foot board, i can recall the feel and sound of them as i shifted  in my sleep. It gave me a sense of 'this is where i belong, i am home'. And the warmth of his body next to mine, curled up together contently as sleep encompassed us both. MMM such delicious thoughts that comfort this impatient slave, and knowing that soon, she will be feeling those again plus sooo much more.Time needs to hurry up and tick along. This slave wants to be with her Master more than anything!

Sunday, November 20, 2011


The desires that burn bright in me:
1.   To be the best slave this one can be to her Master.
2.   To endure what ever He wishes from her whether its pain or pleasure.
3.   To break down the walls of fear and doctrine instilled in this ones mind.
4.   To wear her collar proudly, knowing its a token of commitment from her Master.
5.   To feel with pride the total woman inside her, either as a loving partner or a wanton beast.
6.   To know that all that shi is what her Master wants her to be.
7.   To have her Master gaze at her with pride when its good and be firm with her when she makes a mistake.
8.   To live the life of His slave so fully and completely.
9.   To give all that shi is to her Master with out reservation or hesitation.
10. To know that for the rest of her days shi will feel loved, protected, wanted and used as the slave that she is.
Deep down this one feels the desires burning hot in her. They will only be quenched when her Master has this one at his feet and then rekindled repeatedly. Together they will deliver (Master) and experience (shi) exquisite pleasure and pain for the desire of the other. And on the other hand be the loving couple as well. Our life will be filled with the mundane, the daily routine, and the unbelievable mix of Domination and slavery  that can only be found in this type of relationship. The balance of who and what they are is in the forefront of Master and shis' mind. The loving couple, the Master/slave, and Owner/ possession, Trainer/trainee. This one loves her Master with all her heart, and that grows deeper day by day.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Being hooded

I was given the task by my Master, that every night before  i turn in i am to visualize and embrace being hooded. He has purchased a leather hood with the capability of the eyes and mouth being bound as well. So that when i am in this hood i will see nothing, not be able to speak, and he will devise a way to muffle my hearing as well. A little background on this situation for me, when i went to spend some time with him a couple of years ago, he attempted to place the hood on me and i sort of freaked out. I am claustrophobic, having had a childhood incident that happened due to my own stupidity. So when the hood went over my head, and it was being fitted i flipped mildly. He was patient and did not push the hood on me at that time. But after an extended conversation last night, and some comments he made, when i am with him on day one i will be wearing that hood. For how long i do not know.Obviously having your senses taken away like that can be a frightening thing. But also as my Master has stated " I want you to embrace being hooded, blind and gagged in your mind and be ready to welcome it without fear, the last thing you will be thinking of each night is being hooded, gagged and blindfolded before the darkness of sleep and dreamland and develop the trust that I am close by."
"That hooding you will allow you to focus on what you are in real time, as you experience being a slave for real. We have spoken about ownership, mind, body and soul. The hood will take your mind and give it to me automatically.Isolation will play its part in the training and development. One more thing about the hood.. with distractions removed, you will savor whatever I do to your body with deeper  intensity, whether it is pain, gentleness or orgasm, so we will both receive benefits from it."
So on that note, last night i went to bed, visualizing what it would feel like to wear a hood. The sense of darkness enveloping, no sight no sound no speech. Feeling the press of leather against my skin, knowing that it would get warm over time. And depending on what was being done while hooded, could get down right damp.  I relish the idea of wearing the hood, Of having all my senses taken away, of not being able to see or hear what is being done, to not be allowed to speak unless he removes the mouth cover, it will allow my mind to sink into that slave mindset He and  i so crave. I can be wearing  the hood while caged and bound knowing that all this is at the whim of my Master. To discipline me for a wrong or  to give me the isolation to think of nothing but being his slave. He will take it slow with me and help to work through my fear and the claustrophobia i may feel. My Master stated "It is the one fear that I have encountered from you. I will remove it gently and replace it with total trust and acceptance." And i know from experience He will do it.
We have spoken of my first day with him as his slave, and as time has moved forward He has (as is his right) changed the plans for that first day. And as i have mentioned before i do not wish to know all the details. The anticipation of being in his arms is enough to keep me on the edge. To know that on that day in January i will be at his feet, for him to do with me as he wishes on that first day, is enough. My full immersed training begins on that day in real time and will continue for the rest of our days. For it is what we both want and need. And as the day approaches closer, i know in my heart that is where i am meant to be!
On a side note, i believe on one side i will accept this hood and become one with it, but since i really do not know for sure, i am sure through patience and training with my Master, acceptance will be the only way to go. Wearing this hood and becoming familiar with it is a part of my lot in life that i so willingly submit to.

Friday, November 18, 2011


Communication is key. Whether between a Master and his slave or a husband and wife. Over the last three years of knowing my Master, we have communicated our thoughts, wishes and desires. In the beginning it was not always easy. There was almost a sense of embarrassment sharing my deep desires. After all it was ingrained in  me that certain things were not discussed. But i have moved past that. My Master and i spend our time together almost nightly discussing what we want or need or desire. Just as i have opened up to him so has he done the same with me. The one thing we have discussed in depth is finding a balance in our lives. This one is his lover, woman, slave and beast. There will be moments of tenderness, all encompassing love and times of primal Master and slave times. Just as much as i look forward to being in slave mode all the time, i also look forward to the times we are just us, tender and loving.  As we know you can burn out with out that balance. After all i cant be a bound and beaten slut all the time. But i will be the all encompassing woman that my Master desires, just as he will be the all encompassing man that i desire. My mind races with all the possibilities  that will start to happen when i cross that ocean. Two months from today that will happen. Communication is key, and as his slave i am to hide nothing from him. We will share the good times, the times we hit rough spots and the times the down right frustrations of life can come in. But together we will deal with it all and continue to communicate with one another. We are not mind readers, and if that door of communication is not open then that can lead to discord and that is something i do not want and i know neither does He. No matter how small, how dark or how insignificant i think it is, he will know what i am thinking and feeling. We have grown alot over the last three years and will continue to do so as we move forward and are together for good. Life is about change, growth and love, without it we are stagnant. And  i know that when i am there, at his feet, there will not be moss growing under me, my life as his slave and woman will be one of wonderment, a fierce desire and yes even sometimes fear. But i love and trust my Master explicitly, i know how he feels about me, and what he wants. And i am sure he has a few surprises for me as well. Like i said in an earlier post, i do not always want to know what the game plan is for me. If i did what fun would that be?

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Random thoughts

There is something comforting in knowing you are owned. That most of your decisions, daily activities and life are in the hands of another. There is also a comfort in knowing that you will be loved, protected, wanted, needed and desired. And in return you will love, protect, want, need and desire your Owner.Not really knowing what your daily life will be like, (oh sure you have a clue, but do you really want your life planned out, i know i do not). To think that one day may be filled with love and tenderness, the next harsh discipline and bondage, excites this one. To know there will be a mix of pain, pleasure, wantonness, nakedness, integrated in my life is something i so long for. There will be days of typical routine vanilla stuff, and days of dark desires being fulfilled. Its exciting and leaves this one breathless  thinking about it. To know that your Owner will take you places you only dreamed of and it becoming a daily reality is very exciting. Slavery is not only changes in the physical aspects of your life, but your mentality too changes. To feel the sting of a crop or the tenderness of your Owners hand caressing your skin, sends different sensations through out you and in return your mind acts accordingly. Your body may fight the bonds of rope against your skin, but your mind accepts that is where he wants you and needs you to be. I was told by my Master there will be times i will be curled up at his feet and there will be times i will be left in bondage and isolation to contemplate my fate. Neither of these frighten me, they give me a sense of comfort and fulfillment as a slave. To know i am tightly bound and senses deprived will allow me to sink into the mindset i so crave. I have a feeling that when released and allowed to interact with my Master again, i will be the soft, complacent, malleable slave we both want from me. And in the same regard that could happen when i am curled at his feet, naked, collared and leashed to him, content in the knowledge that i am his forever. This one looks forward to the day she fly's into his arms and begins her life as not only his slave, but his woman in all totality. Deriving from me anything He likes and knowing that his slave will give her all to him so completely.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011


this morning i woke up with this desperate desire to crawl into my Masters arms, hug him tight, kiss him deeply and show him how happy i am to be his. I do not know if it was because of a dream or what. There are times this one is feeling cuddly and loving, other times wanton and wanting to be taken relentlessly. But alas He is several hundreds of miles away so until i am at his feet, this one will have to just show him in other ways how thrilled she is to be his. The desires that i have run deep and rampant. From what we would call the mundane to the extreme in bdsm. I have shared these desires with my Master, as i feel nothing should be kept from him. How is he to train me if he does not know? From the darkest reaches in my mind, this one has told him everything that there is to know. And who knows, maybe others will spring up once we are together face to face. This one feels as a slave to be open, honest, and to share not only her body with her Master but her mind as well. I am not fearful of what He may think when i share things with him, He can decide to accept my desires or reject them, he is Master after all. But knowing this does not stop me from sharing them.  He needs to know his slave, just as his slave needs to know him. So communicating desires, wants and needs is a way to grow together as Master and slave. On another thought, this one is excited to hand over everything that she is to her Master. Her body, mind and soul is His to do with as he wishes. We have spoken on so many levels of our relationship, from the everyday lover type to the wanton beast he will have crawling at his feet. My life will not have truly begun till i am there and experiencing my slavery full time. To have that collar permanently locked about my neck, to have my body permanently marked with his mark, to be able to feel the sensations he will wrought on my body and on my mind, is what every slave craves for. My duty to him is to be the best slave to him that i can be, no matter what he demands of me. And this one will strive to that goal to the best of her ability.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

processing pain

i recently purchased an ebook titled Processing Pain Through Play, written by lunaKM. I am a masochist and thought it would be a benefit to read something written by another. I am glad i got it. Processing pain is different for all of us, and one of the reasons i purchased it was to see what other techniques i can learn. My Master and  i want to build my tolerance for it as we progress forward in our relationship. Pain will be a part of my life as his slave. When i speak of pain, its not the kind to permanently damage me, it will be for the enjoyment of us both. There is a euphoria that happens when pain is mixed with pleasure, at least for me. And my Master wishes to explore that with me as time rolls on. I know that there are many of you out there that also enjoy pain in this context. My mindset is in slave mode, and gets  more into it every day. As my travel date approaches, i sink into what it is i truly am. My relationship with my Master will be balanced with love, tenderness, domination and submission. I also know that there will be times pain will be wrought through  punishment and not so much for the enjoyment for me, but as a slave that is expected. Through our many talks, we know what we desire from each other. There will be times when my body and mind will be pushed beyond what i think i can handle, but i know with his love and care for me, and his training,  it is only the natural progression of what we are.  We as Master/slave have alot to learn with one another, his training will be intense so that he can mold me into what he desires. But i go  into this with open eyes and an open heart and know that this is where i was meant to be. Its what i have wanted and needed for most of my adult life, and until Him, never thought it possible or long lasting.  But i know now that it is. He is my Master and i am his slave! And when we are together, him standing there, my kneeling naked and collared at his feet, i know i am home.

Sunday, November 13, 2011


My Master wrote in his blog, of marking possessions. And as i am one of those possessions, this one will be permanently marked with his cypher on her breast and her slave registration tattoo eventually on her lower back once i am in his proximity. Speaking of which, the plans have been finalized, the flight booked  and now i sit here and wait for the day to arrive. Its a comforting thought to know they are taken care of. In January this one will be taking a plane and crossing the ocean to be with her Master full time and it brings this one such peace to know the plans are finalized. Now back to markings, i relish the idea of being permanently marked, to be able to look down upon my breast and see His cypher there, to know that when He takes me from behind he will see the slave registration marked on my skin, so either from the front or the back He will know he put them there as a commitment to Us. As i have stated before my body is his to do with as he wishes and i have no qualms of being permanately marked by Him, its my commitment to him to have this done. And when we are together, and he is marking me with the tool of his choice, again the commitment is there. And even those markings wont last, he can repeat the process as often as he likes, for my body is his. The cypher and slave registration code will be permanent and mixed with everything else that we do, i know in my heart and soul i am his slave for ever more. And as his slave that makes me extremely happy

Friday, November 11, 2011


Life is about changes, whether wanted or not. Fortunately for this one the changes that i am enduring are by choice and desire. I spoke about before about re-lactation, herbal supplements, nipple stimulation and breast massage all help to make this feasible, even though not pregnant. We have no desire to have a child, but do wish to enjoy the benefit of my breasts producing milk. Other changes that will occur once i am with Him, will include corset training to slim my waist and make those breasts more pronounced, and to enhance my hips and buttocks that He enjoys so much. My Master has purchased two corsets for me to wear. One i will wear immediately and the other is smaller in size once my body adjusts to the corset training i will endure. More changes will be non physical, my mindset will be in slave mode, to be obedient, wanton, and endure what ever He wishes to do to me in my training. There will be anal training as well, getting used to wearing plugs and tails, it will be a process for my body to adjust to and become accustom to, to the point it becomes second nature. This one will be bound in a rope harness to wear when naked or under clothing if we should go out to tend to everyday things, can be doubly plugged upon his whim or not.  My mindset will be of the total woman that my Master wants. I will be his friend, his lover, his sex slave, his wanton beast. My days will be filled with the balance of all of that and so much more. Will endure exquisite pain and pleasure, for the benefit of us both.
The fire that burns within us both is equally matched, we know what we want and what works for us. My willing slavery to Him, is what he wants in a woman, His domination and control of me is what i want in a man. We are a perfect fit and that will endure for always as we move forward and grow together.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

my future

this one sits in a quiet home, early in the morning, and drinking a warm cup of coffee, just took my supplements to re induce lactation, and her breasts feel achy, but no production of milk yet.  Her thoughts roam to the time in January when she will be in her Masters arms, wearing his collar permanently attached to her neck. Kneeling at his feet or crawling along side him as he walks. This ones body and mind ache to feel his touch, whether soft or harsh. Her soul aches to feel the fire she knows he can stir in her and will continue to grow and foster. It is time for Him and his slave to be together, to touch and caress one another, to continue her training and grow as Master and slave.  To be what they both truly want more than anything. Fate brought us together in a virtual world and with one rl meeting and time spent together, they know they belong together. So come January 2012, it will be their reality for the rest of their days. Personally this one cannot wait. It is time!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011


Since i had a comment posted by my Master and he wishes to know how i feel about modern women and yesterdays women i have been thinking alot. In this ones personal opinion, before womens lib, women were docile, complacent, knew their place in the household and in the world environment. Todays society makes alot of demands of women, to become bread winners, to not only take care of the house, kids, and their spouse, but to contribute to bills, and other societal demands. I do not wish to offend anyone, but by the changes wrought over the last few decades, i sometimes think we forget what it is to be a woman.
To me, being a woman is about being  soft, beautiful, loving, willing to do what it takes to please her partner. And since i am also a slave, a willingness to give up anything and everything for her Master, to be what he wishes and desires. That does not mean to say that i do not have a voice, or that i am a mindless doll to be played with. Quite the opposite. Our relationship is a give and take. He wants a woman that he can have an intelligent conversation with, to be able to lovingly seduce her, or take her with such force as to make her feel nothing more than his lowly beast. He wants a woman that can compose herself in society but behind close doors is nothing than a naked wanton slut, or a lowly beast on her hands and knees, bound and used to his liking.  For me that is being a woman. i sometimes think i was born in the wrong era, but theres nothing i can do about that now. But i know what i am and what my Master wants and he will have it with all the love that i can give. To be a woman for me, is to be demure, loving, craving her Master all the time, to do the things he demands of me and wishes from me with out reservation or hesitation. For i unconditionally give my all to him. Heart body and mind.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

what possesses someone

What would possess someone to willingly and completely give over her mind and body over to another. Where she has no or little say in what happens to her. Why would she allow her mind and body to go through exquisite pain and pleasure. Why would she allow body modification to meet her Masters goals and ideals. There are so many questions as to why it is that we do what we do. But for this one, its an easy answer. It is something  this one has wanted for much of her adult life. Many would argue that its an escape from reality. But reality is what we make it.  My reality has been up to this point, the typical life of a woman, going through her daily tasks, paying bills, grocery shopping , taking care of home and hearth, etc. In this ones humble opinion, society has taken  out the complete woman in all of us. Come January of 2012, it will be so totally different. It will be a reality of service to ones Master. To be the loving doting partner, the wanton slut bound and used to her Masters pleasure, to be the beast crawling on the floor, leashed and trained. That is what possesses me, my training  will incorporate all the aspects of a total woman.  To put aside the societal drills incorporated in her head, to be free to feel beautiful, wanton, desired, used, taken. To not only experience pleasure but to give it to the one that controls her as well,  and be able to experience pain with pleasure. To meet head on the dark pleasures of ones mind, with the likeness of another. That is what possesses me.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

a dream i had

i awoke from a dream i believe will be in my future. In other words the dream will become a reality probably more than once.  I dreamt that i was in a cage, bound tightly, in a kneeling position naked.  My arms tightly bound behind me, my legs and feet bound to the rest of my body so i could barely move. i was hooded and all my senses were taken away, i could not hear anything, see anything nor speak, the hood was tightly afixed to my head, with a built in gag, some sort of stuffing was in my ears to mute my hearing, the hood had a built in gag. My ass and pussy was stuffed with a dildo and large anal plug, afixed with a rope harness so they could not come out. My nipples were clamped, the delicious ache ringing through out my body.I was put in the cage for some sort of punishment. I was left there to contemplate my reality. My body ached, i felt every nerve tingling, the hood was warm, my breath was slow and easy. In a sense it was comforting to be in the position i was in, it reiterated my status as to what i voluntarily submitted to.  Every movement reminded me what i was, if i shifted slightly i could feel the dildo and plug shift with me. I could feel the ropes that held me bound, i could feel the ache of my nipples. I was contemplating my mistake, (which wasnt clear in the dream) but i knew He wasnt pleased, its why i was where i was. I do not know how long He will keep me there, but that is not for me to worry about. He has the right to keep me there till He feels i have made penance. Nothing is worse for a slave than to be ignored by her Master, to disappoint him or be punished for a mistake.  But we are  human and mistakes happen and i sat in my cage, tightly bound, knowing the punishment was warranted. And content knowing He could and would punish me strictly but  fairly.  After all it is a Masters job to keep control over his possession even when they wrong.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Chains of Steel

i was given this assignment to write about Chains of Steel and what it means to me. Beyond the obvious, as a slave, chains of steel can refer to the chains i will be wearing through out my life as a slave. Whether leashed, shackled or hobbled the chains will restrict my movements highly.They can be worn as a reminder to what i am or as a punishment for what i may do wrong. But as i was given this assignment, i thought of other chains of steel, and here i speak figuratively. My heart wears chains inexplicably linked to my Master. My body is his to mold and take control of therefore also chained to him. My mind is forever changing in what it means to be a slave under my Masters control. The chains of ones heart, body and soul to another is stronger than any chains of steel my body may be wearing at any given time. For its the goal of a slave to always be pleasing, to be what her Master wants and desires. To be molded into what he desires from a slave such as me. There is a fire that burns deep in this one, that wants nothing than to give her all to Him. Her Master has told her over and over that he wants the complete woman, a lover, a slut, a beast to do with as he wishes. He will break the chains that society has placed in me, and mold new ones get that complete woman He so desires. And i cannot wait till the actuality of all that takes place. As old chains are shed and news ones forged for what i am and will become.

Friday, November 4, 2011

random thoughts

i awoke this morning, breasts deliciously achy, got up,got dressed and pulled my hair back into a loose ponytail, that is one of the instructions from my Master. My hair is to be up in a ponytail or braid till i am kneeling in front of him. Went downstairs and made coffee, opened up my machine and logged into here. To be instructed to do something even when he is hundreds of miles away is such a comforting thought. He has bought me two corsets for waist training for when i arrive there. To be bound in a corset tightly with breasts thrust up seems like a delicious form of training and bondage, see my body is His to do with as he wishes and over time my waist will be shrunk through this training. I am very much looking forward to this as well as many other things He has in store for me, although i can only speak of the anticipation of it all right now, there will be a time i can speak of the reality of it. And i will blog about my experiences. Over the last several months we have spoken of many things. The corset training is one of them. He wishes to also give me anal training so that i can comfortably take him or any tool he wishes to place there, in that orifice when he desires it. He has spoken of enemas to cleanse me, an anal hook to enhance my posture. There will be times i will be in a harness via rope or leather and doubly plugged as well as i carry out my day. January can not come fast enough. He has also devised a set of rules for me, that i will learn and memorize. He desires perfection and i will strive for that. One of these rules is that while at home, i will be kept naked at all times, there will be a robe by the door in the event of unexpected visitors. I will be kept in some form of bondage as well.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

update on shi

Its been over a year since i posted on this blog, and many things have happened but  i will focus on my slavery to my Master. In just a couple of months, this one will be in her Masters collar permanently, and kneeling at His feet. W/we have spent much time discussing what my slavery will entail. He has decided that i should be lactating by the time i am at his feet. So this one is currently on supplements to enhance and help that to happen. Of course i have lactated before from having children, but this time i am not pregnant, so i did a lot of research to see how it is done. I am taking three supplements daily and since nipple stimulation is key,  i place wooden clothes pins on them every two hours for 10-15 mins at a time. Doing that has definitely made a difference. Every time i take the supplements, i think of the goal, i think of Him, and look forward to January 2012. My breasts are definitely feeling different and i am  confident that i will be producing milk soon or definitely by the time i join him for good.
My slavery has grown deeper in my mind and heart and i long to feel Him close to me, to be able to smell him, and be in his bonds, i know in my heart that my slavery will not always be easy, but He has reassured me we will always have a balance. This one is His woman , lover,slave, slut and beast. And i could not  be happier.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

being a slave!

Its a strange thing to want to give ultimate control to someone else. Your body, mind and soul in the hands of someone else. At least that is what some say. But to this one, its her truth, her life and the one choice she has willingly made. I have given up total control to my Master. In our virtual world and in the real world. And this one would not want it any other way. To know that He can do what He wishes to this one is such a bliss thats sometimes hard to explain. We have had several long talks over our feelings, fantasies and wishes. And the one thing that is always agreed upon is that as long as it is safe,sane and consensual, it can be done. Not all in one day mind you but over time and  He decides which avenue my training may take. The SSC may be a contradiction in our Master/slave relationship to some, but He cherishes his property as his property cherishes him. He has told me that once this one is in front of  Him, kneeling naked, collared and leashed that the training He plans for me will not be an easy road. But nothing worthwhile in life ever is. There will be times that my body will sting from his lash, my mind will burn with His will. There will also be times of complete restraint for isolation, senses muted through gag, blindfold, ear plugs, left to sink into my own mind and contemplate what i am to him and him to me. Every aspect of this ones body, mind and soul will be his to mold as he so desires.
 Every aspect of my life will be controlled by Him. There will be different levels of protocol.. To the outside world we will look like a loving caring couple, but in the privacy of His home, i will be a wanton sexual slut. To be whipped and fucked at his desire, to service him in any way he chooses. To be bound like a beast in chains and cuffs, or tied up in rope pressing tightly into her skin, trussed up and held by her Masters will. There will be punishment when warranted, discipline when He decides, isolation for self contemplation.
As this one reflects on her life, she knows this is where she wants to be, collared, leashed , kneeling naked with legs spread wide, gazing adoringly into her Masters eyes when he allows it. Her body a vessel for His use, her mind to mold to become the best slut for her Master and her soul to fill with nothing but the love of her Master.