Labels

Had an interesting conversation with a long time friend and former sister of mine regarding labels. I love talking to her because we share so much with one another, and i find her input valuable and precious. We may not always agree, but that is what friends do, debate, talk and work through things. But she is more than a friend to me she is also a dear sister in this crazy life we call bdsm. I then carried on that conversation with my Master. The labels we spoke of was Master and Owner, and slave and possession.  I know there are many labels out there, i guess its a way of categorizing ourselves for our own benefit and to let others know what we are in the right settings. I know from personal experience and from speaking with others there are many levels of D/s and M/s. And what may work for you may not work for my relationship and visa versa. And i in no way mean to dish or demonize anyone's labels as to what they call themselves. I guess labels are a necessary part of life whether vanilla or not.  And often times labels blend together. Or at times you wear more than one. But one thing my Master and i have discovered is no matter what label we are wearing, we are who we are. Its not the labels that are important but how we are to one another that is. He is my Master, my Owner, my Lover and my Friend. I am his slave, beast, slut, lover and friend as well. So one day i may be the slave, wanton and well used, then next his lover curled up in his arms as we watch TV, or his beast crawling on hands and knees, following his orders. And just as there are many different types of Masters/Owners and many types of slaves/possessions. We do not hold steadfast to one label over another. For i feel if we did then we would stagnate and not progress to the many levels we know we both have. This is just my humble opinion. We are who we are, we are who we want to be and we are what we crave to be to one another. I consider myself his slave and its how i address myself many times in this blog, but i am so much more to him as he is to me.  So whatever label you and your partner call yourselves, all that really matters is what you two are to each other. And my wish for all is to be happy, fulfilled, content in your relationship as i know i am in mine. Just some random thoughts from this slave to those willing to read it. Have a great day A/all.

Pt 2 Discipline

In yesterday's blog entry i wrote about discipline in the sense of training and being focused. Today i will write about discipline in times when i may need correction. And i want to apologize for the highlighted text, i am not sure why that did what it did, but i hope after some fiddling with it it looks a little better now. Discipline may also entail corrections for me. I am not perfect and know i will falter sometimes. My discipline for these infractions may include any number of things that my Master deems appropriate. What ever privileges i have may be revoked, i may be isolated and bound to reflect on that infraction, attention to my Master may be denied. It can include punishment with any of the tools Master sees fit. After all discipline is deemed appropriate to maintain my mindset as his complete woman. I am his lover, his slut, his slave and his beast. And for any infractions i may entail, i accept the knowledge that being disciplined is a part of who we are. Now for more serious infractions there may be more severe punishment and i accept that as well. After all i am His to do with as he not only wishes but what he deems is necessary. And to be punished whether physically or mentally for whatever it is i may do wrong will only help me to grow and become more of the woman he wants from me. So again acceptance comes in. It is what i am after all.
     My Master  has allowed me to post the beginning of my rules on this blog, which are in their own tab. I will learn these rules, adopt to any new ones He desires of me and together as Master/slave we will move forward in this relationship.

Discipline.....

My Master asked me to write about Discipline ...hmmm i thought as he laid out some possibilities. According to dictionary.com:
discipline:
1. training to act in accordance with rules' drill: military discipline
2. activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training:
3. punishment inflicted by way of correction and training.
4. the rigor or training effect of experience, adversity
5. behavior in accord with rules of conduct; behaviou and order maintained by training and control.


There are many forms of discipline. For example it takes discipline to make a dress from a pattern.  A project i am currently working on, for any craft or hobby it takes discipline to know the rules of what you are doing and in turn you get the desired result. If you dont know what you are doing it can be a disastrous result. Same with learning to type on a typewriter or keyboard. There is a basis of how to do it correctly. And your fingers eventually get muscle memory on where they go and how they work. There is discipline in an exercise routine as well. Whether its yoga, or other forms, if you dont know what  they are you could hurt yourself. Or you could not get the results you want for not doing it correctly. So as you do your routine, it becomes more and more familiar and you get to know it second nature. Its a form of discipline. 
There is also discipline in training whatever form that may take, as i am a slave, i will refer mostly to what i will be experiencing once i cross that ocean. Discipline can be used to modify behavior or attitude. Training can be as simple as learning the proper kneels or poses your Master wants you in to highlight your assets. The proper way to crawl so as to be appealing in such a way that pleases Him. The posture of your training is a form of discipline. The repetition of doing your poses, your kneels, your crawling while leashed is important. It takes discipline to get them right, to have your body remember the positions.  
Discipline is also necessary to maintain your mindset. I will be living the life a slave, to be at His beck and call. To always be available for whatever He wants or needs. Being collared, leashed, made to crawl at his feet helps to maintain that mindset. But also so does being bound, hooded, senses deprived and caged for extended periods of time. Where you have nothing to focus on but your mind and body. Sure you will feel itches, tingles, muscles aching.  You will feel the heat of the hood as the darkness envelops you. You wont be able to speak, see or hear anything around you. This discipline forces you to go into your mind.  To think about nothing but the beast you will become, to contemplate your lot, to know you are nothing without your Master.  To know you are there for as long as He wishes you to be, to be placed there to just think about your slavery, your rules, your disciplines, to know that you will be all that you can be for Him. 

Contentment

I sit here with the knowledge that soon i will be in Masters arms. Will be at the feet of this incredible man, collared, leashed and naked, awaiting His desire of me. I hope i get to a stage where i will be able to anticipate his needs and desires, but that will come in time. And i know He may not always want me to anticipate that. My heart swells with such love for this man, it just blows me away sometime. The ache i have for him cannot be filled completely till i am with Him. He desires such things from me and i of him, that we mesh so well. We are meant to be together. We are meant to be Master and slave. It is our destiny. He craves to do things to me that i crave that i want done. There will be times of exquisite pain, pleasure, carnal desires, wanton animalistic lust. He has made plans to take some vacation time when i fly to him so we do not have to do anything than concentrate on one another, and i begin my training as his slut. I will be his everything as he will be mine. There is such a contentment flowing through me knowing that i will be molded, both physically and mentally as his complete slave. I have no illusions, my training will not always be easy, it will not always be fun, but i do know that through this process i will be what He wants and needs. And through this process i will grow not only as a complete woman but as a complete slave. Walls will be broken down, my mindset and body will know what it is to be a slave to the man that owns her. My body and mind will crave the bondage, the pain, the mind blowing orgasms, i will wear the marks he places there proudly, from either discipline or punishment. I will wake every morning knowing who and what i am so much deeper and more completely than i have ever have before. This is my lot i willingly choose, i willingly accept and knowing my life will change forever, fills me completely with love, contentment and desire to be His always.

my slave name shi (pronounced 'she')

Just in case anyone was wondering, shi is my slave name, given to me by my Master. It is pronounced she, like the word we use in our everyday lives. It is short for shibari, the wonderful art of Japanese rope bondage. My Master spent many a moments trying to come up with an appropriate slave name. The name was shortened to shiba. Shiba to me sounded too royal or regal, which thankfully he shortened to shi, its the name i have worn now for nearly three years. It is this name or the word 'mine' that He will use when he addresses me. My legal name will not exist in our relationship. It is what we have both agreed upon.  To be called shi or mine, is my association with my slavery. It is what i feel more comfortable being known as. I feel completely comfortable with this. It is who i am. It is who my Master wishes me to be. In my rules, one of the first things is that i own nothing, not even my name without His approval, and i am good with that. When He calls me shi or mine, i smile, for i am his slave, given these names as a sign of endearment from Him. Shibari is a lovely form of rope bondage that can be oh so beautiful as well as used for various forms of bondage. I am encapsulated in my Masters bondage, whether i wear ropes or not. Hence the name given. Whether i am at his home naked, going about my day, or bound in ropes and isolated in my cage to contemplate my slavery, the name shi is very appropriate for me as his slave. And i shall wear the name proudly and never do anything to dishonor it or Him.

Shi is....and wants

Shi is a woman owned by her Master.
Shi is the hungry little slut that her Master finds delicious.
Shi is a woman that is opening up like the budding flower bursting through the ground in springtime.
Shi is feeling so loved by her Master that it overwhelms her.
Shi is so much love with her Master, her body aches for Him.
Shi is so desiring her Master, to bring Him pleasure and pride as shi serves and honors Him.
Shi wants to feel the soft caress of her Masters touch and stare adoringly into His eyes.
Shi wants to feel the tight bonds from her Masters hands, to feel the comfort of knowing in those bonds shi is everything to Him.
Shi wants to feel his warm body tightly entwined with hers in the throes of passion, lust and desire.
Shi wants and craves the kiss of His stinging crop against her skin, or the dull thud of His flogger.
Shi wants to feel the delicious pains He will and can draw from her as He takes what is His.
Shi wants to hear herself moan and scream as He elicits from her things rarely done.
Shi wants time to pass quicker so that they can begin their lives together as Master and slave.
To fulfill both their destinies in this relationship they both want, need and crave.
Shi wants more than anything to be at her Masters feet, kneeling like the slave shi is giving her best to Him at all times!

"Mine"

That little four letter word! How i love hearing it. My Master calls me that in greeting, in being endearing, and in closing. As i am a possession, his possession, i love hearing it. He gave me the slave name shi, which i also love hearing. But the word "mine" gives me such a lovely deep warm feeling when i hear it. After all i am His. i identify with it. So much so that when someone uses my real name it takes me a second to go "oh yeah thats me". "Mine" such a small word, but with so much meaning behind it. I am His, forever and inexplicably His and that could not make me happier. The days are ticking away.. and before we know it, i will not only hear the word mine but feel it as well. In his arms, under his control and always his slave.  I love you my Master, always and forever.

The sun is out!

The sun is out and its a relatively wonderful sunny day, its not so cold that you need a coat, but you do need a sweater, it inspired me to go out shopping. After so many days of rain and cold, i went walked around our downtown. Hit some small businesses, and some chain stores. Didnt find what i was looking for but that doesnt matter. I was out on a mission, and the fact the mission was not fulfilled, i feel good. Its amazing what the sun can do for not only your health but your disposition.  Went to a local craft store and did some shopping there, decided i am going to sew. Havent done it in awhile and i think with what i got and the fact it was practically all on sale was a boost. So going to dig out the machine, dust it off, make sure its working correctly and get busy on this project.  Woot i have something to do. Maybe when i am done i will take a pic and post it here, if it turns out the way i envision it. Any way, i am feeling good, chipper, and have a project to do. Now where did i put that measuring tape?

Heart in the sand

i came across a picture of a heart drawn in the sand on an ocean beach, its pointed end facing the water..i know this may sound bizarre, but that is me. I live in the states and my Master lives in Europe. The heart patiently waits in the sand till the waves wash it away carrying it across the ocean... My wave will come in January when i am whisked away  to His arms. I am struggling with impatience here on this side of the ocean, every day little things are getting to me. The weather has been crappy and rainy and maybe that is why my mood is the way it is. I am frustrated with the some of the people in my life. And if i do not put this in check, i am afraid i will just explode!  i took a hot shower this morning trying  to relax some of this tension and frustration.. it helped some. It seems the more i attempt to do here the less i seem to be progressing, and that is not referring to my slavery but my everyday vanilla life. So it comes to a point for me where i either just go off on everyone and say 'f*** it' or i try to find a calming center and just bide my time. I guess i am wanting this so bad to just come around, start my life with my Master that its eating at me. I know it has to be frustrating for him as well to have to sit and wait for things to be dealt with on my end. But the one consolation for me and i am sure for him is that my flight is booked.. and come hell and high water, i will be on it...Continuing my destiny in my Masters arms!

Others musings

I have spent a good part of the morning, reading and searching for other blogs of both submissives and Dominants. Only because i woke up wondering what to write in this daily blog. I have joined several others as a follower here. It amazes me and i am not sure why, that there are others that share the same feelings, emotions, desires and wants like i have. I am slightly envious of the ones that live with their Masters, but happy for them as well, that get to live the life i so crave. I have found i am becoming impatient, wanting to experience the daily life of a slave. My time will come, my flight is booked and now i tick away the days till it actually happens. It is hard to want something so badly and not have quite in reach yet. Do not get me wrong, i have daily contact with my Master through  a couple of avenues, and for now that is sufficient. But to see others living and dealing with their daily lives with their Masters within inches of them is what i desire as well. I just have to deal with the feelings i have running through me being so far away from Him.  I have to deal with impatience i feel. I know my Master is just as anxious to have me kneeling at his feet naked, collared and leashed to do with me what we have talked about for so long. When i get to feeling this way i think back to when we were together and that brings me comfort. I remember his sweat slick body as He fucked me, i remember his warm lips as He ravished mine. I remember the kiss of his flogger as it landed on my bare skin. The feel of the rope that bound me tightly, and i smile here because the one thing i remember more vividly than all that was being chained to his bed as we slept. Whether it was the leash attached to the head post, or the chain around my ankle to the foot board, i can recall the feel and sound of them as i shifted  in my sleep. It gave me a sense of 'this is where i belong, i am home'. And the warmth of his body next to mine, curled up together contently as sleep encompassed us both. MMM such delicious thoughts that comfort this impatient slave, and knowing that soon, she will be feeling those again plus sooo much more.Time needs to hurry up and tick along. This slave wants to be with her Master more than anything!

Desires

The desires that burn bright in me:
1.   To be the best slave this one can be to her Master.
2.   To endure what ever He wishes from her whether its pain or pleasure.
3.   To break down the walls of fear and doctrine instilled in this ones mind.
4.   To wear her collar proudly, knowing its a token of commitment from her Master.
5.   To feel with pride the total woman inside her, either as a loving partner or a wanton beast.
6.   To know that all that shi is what her Master wants her to be.
7.   To have her Master gaze at her with pride when its good and be firm with her when she makes a mistake.
8.   To live the life of His slave so fully and completely.
9.   To give all that shi is to her Master with out reservation or hesitation.
10. To know that for the rest of her days shi will feel loved, protected, wanted and used as the slave that she is.
Deep down this one feels the desires burning hot in her. They will only be quenched when her Master has this one at his feet and then rekindled repeatedly. Together they will deliver (Master) and experience (shi) exquisite pleasure and pain for the desire of the other. And on the other hand be the loving couple as well. Our life will be filled with the mundane, the daily routine, and the unbelievable mix of Domination and slavery  that can only be found in this type of relationship. The balance of who and what they are is in the forefront of Master and shis' mind. The loving couple, the Master/slave, and Owner/ possession, Trainer/trainee. This one loves her Master with all her heart, and that grows deeper day by day.

Being hooded

I was given the task by my Master, that every night before  i turn in i am to visualize and embrace being hooded. He has purchased a leather hood with the capability of the eyes and mouth being bound as well. So that when i am in this hood i will see nothing, not be able to speak, and he will devise a way to muffle my hearing as well. A little background on this situation for me, when i went to spend some time with him a couple of years ago, he attempted to place the hood on me and i sort of freaked out. I am claustrophobic, having had a childhood incident that happened due to my own stupidity. So when the hood went over my head, and it was being fitted i flipped mildly. He was patient and did not push the hood on me at that time. But after an extended conversation last night, and some comments he made, when i am with him on day one i will be wearing that hood. For how long i do not know.Obviously having your senses taken away like that can be a frightening thing. But also as my Master has stated " I want you to embrace being hooded, blind and gagged in your mind and be ready to welcome it without fear, the last thing you will be thinking of each night is being hooded, gagged and blindfolded before the darkness of sleep and dreamland and develop the trust that I am close by."
"That hooding you will allow you to focus on what you are in real time, as you experience being a slave for real. We have spoken about ownership, mind, body and soul. The hood will take your mind and give it to me automatically.Isolation will play its part in the training and development. One more thing about the hood.. with distractions removed, you will savor whatever I do to your body with deeper  intensity, whether it is pain, gentleness or orgasm, so we will both receive benefits from it."
So on that note, last night i went to bed, visualizing what it would feel like to wear a hood. The sense of darkness enveloping, no sight no sound no speech. Feeling the press of leather against my skin, knowing that it would get warm over time. And depending on what was being done while hooded, could get down right damp.  I relish the idea of wearing the hood, Of having all my senses taken away, of not being able to see or hear what is being done, to not be allowed to speak unless he removes the mouth cover, it will allow my mind to sink into that slave mindset He and  i so crave. I can be wearing  the hood while caged and bound knowing that all this is at the whim of my Master. To discipline me for a wrong or  to give me the isolation to think of nothing but being his slave. He will take it slow with me and help to work through my fear and the claustrophobia i may feel. My Master stated "It is the one fear that I have encountered from you. I will remove it gently and replace it with total trust and acceptance." And i know from experience He will do it.
We have spoken of my first day with him as his slave, and as time has moved forward He has (as is his right) changed the plans for that first day. And as i have mentioned before i do not wish to know all the details. The anticipation of being in his arms is enough to keep me on the edge. To know that on that day in January i will be at his feet, for him to do with me as he wishes on that first day, is enough. My full immersed training begins on that day in real time and will continue for the rest of our days. For it is what we both want and need. And as the day approaches closer, i know in my heart that is where i am meant to be!
On a side note, i believe on one side i will accept this hood and become one with it, but since i really do not know for sure, i am sure through patience and training with my Master, acceptance will be the only way to go. Wearing this hood and becoming familiar with it is a part of my lot in life that i so willingly submit to.

Communication

Communication is key. Whether between a Master and his slave or a husband and wife. Over the last three years of knowing my Master, we have communicated our thoughts, wishes and desires. In the beginning it was not always easy. There was almost a sense of embarrassment sharing my deep desires. After all it was ingrained in  me that certain things were not discussed. But i have moved past that. My Master and i spend our time together almost nightly discussing what we want or need or desire. Just as i have opened up to him so has he done the same with me. The one thing we have discussed in depth is finding a balance in our lives. This one is his lover, woman, slave and beast. There will be moments of tenderness, all encompassing love and times of primal Master and slave times. Just as much as i look forward to being in slave mode all the time, i also look forward to the times we are just us, tender and loving.  As we know you can burn out with out that balance. After all i cant be a bound and beaten slut all the time. But i will be the all encompassing woman that my Master desires, just as he will be the all encompassing man that i desire. My mind races with all the possibilities  that will start to happen when i cross that ocean. Two months from today that will happen. Communication is key, and as his slave i am to hide nothing from him. We will share the good times, the times we hit rough spots and the times the down right frustrations of life can come in. But together we will deal with it all and continue to communicate with one another. We are not mind readers, and if that door of communication is not open then that can lead to discord and that is something i do not want and i know neither does He. No matter how small, how dark or how insignificant i think it is, he will know what i am thinking and feeling. We have grown alot over the last three years and will continue to do so as we move forward and are together for good. Life is about change, growth and love, without it we are stagnant. And  i know that when i am there, at his feet, there will not be moss growing under me, my life as his slave and woman will be one of wonderment, a fierce desire and yes even sometimes fear. But i love and trust my Master explicitly, i know how he feels about me, and what he wants. And i am sure he has a few surprises for me as well. Like i said in an earlier post, i do not always want to know what the game plan is for me. If i did what fun would that be?

Random thoughts

There is something comforting in knowing you are owned. That most of your decisions, daily activities and life are in the hands of another. There is also a comfort in knowing that you will be loved, protected, wanted, needed and desired. And in return you will love, protect, want, need and desire your Owner.Not really knowing what your daily life will be like, (oh sure you have a clue, but do you really want your life planned out, i know i do not). To think that one day may be filled with love and tenderness, the next harsh discipline and bondage, excites this one. To know there will be a mix of pain, pleasure, wantonness, nakedness, integrated in my life is something i so long for. There will be days of typical routine vanilla stuff, and days of dark desires being fulfilled. Its exciting and leaves this one breathless  thinking about it. To know that your Owner will take you places you only dreamed of and it becoming a daily reality is very exciting. Slavery is not only changes in the physical aspects of your life, but your mentality too changes. To feel the sting of a crop or the tenderness of your Owners hand caressing your skin, sends different sensations through out you and in return your mind acts accordingly. Your body may fight the bonds of rope against your skin, but your mind accepts that is where he wants you and needs you to be. I was told by my Master there will be times i will be curled up at his feet and there will be times i will be left in bondage and isolation to contemplate my fate. Neither of these frighten me, they give me a sense of comfort and fulfillment as a slave. To know i am tightly bound and senses deprived will allow me to sink into the mindset i so crave. I have a feeling that when released and allowed to interact with my Master again, i will be the soft, complacent, malleable slave we both want from me. And in the same regard that could happen when i am curled at his feet, naked, collared and leashed to him, content in the knowledge that i am his forever. This one looks forward to the day she fly's into his arms and begins her life as not only his slave, but his woman in all totality. Deriving from me anything He likes and knowing that his slave will give her all to him so completely.

Desires

this morning i woke up with this desperate desire to crawl into my Masters arms, hug him tight, kiss him deeply and show him how happy i am to be his. I do not know if it was because of a dream or what. There are times this one is feeling cuddly and loving, other times wanton and wanting to be taken relentlessly. But alas He is several hundreds of miles away so until i am at his feet, this one will have to just show him in other ways how thrilled she is to be his. The desires that i have run deep and rampant. From what we would call the mundane to the extreme in bdsm. I have shared these desires with my Master, as i feel nothing should be kept from him. How is he to train me if he does not know? From the darkest reaches in my mind, this one has told him everything that there is to know. And who knows, maybe others will spring up once we are together face to face. This one feels as a slave to be open, honest, and to share not only her body with her Master but her mind as well. I am not fearful of what He may think when i share things with him, He can decide to accept my desires or reject them, he is Master after all. But knowing this does not stop me from sharing them.  He needs to know his slave, just as his slave needs to know him. So communicating desires, wants and needs is a way to grow together as Master and slave. On another thought, this one is excited to hand over everything that she is to her Master. Her body, mind and soul is His to do with as he wishes. We have spoken on so many levels of our relationship, from the everyday lover type to the wanton beast he will have crawling at his feet. My life will not have truly begun till i am there and experiencing my slavery full time. To have that collar permanently locked about my neck, to have my body permanently marked with his mark, to be able to feel the sensations he will wrought on my body and on my mind, is what every slave craves for. My duty to him is to be the best slave to him that i can be, no matter what he demands of me. And this one will strive to that goal to the best of her ability.

processing pain

i recently purchased an ebook titled Processing Pain Through Play, written by lunaKM. I am a masochist and thought it would be a benefit to read something written by another. I am glad i got it. Processing pain is different for all of us, and one of the reasons i purchased it was to see what other techniques i can learn. My Master and  i want to build my tolerance for it as we progress forward in our relationship. Pain will be a part of my life as his slave. When i speak of pain, its not the kind to permanently damage me, it will be for the enjoyment of us both. There is a euphoria that happens when pain is mixed with pleasure, at least for me. And my Master wishes to explore that with me as time rolls on. I know that there are many of you out there that also enjoy pain in this context. My mindset is in slave mode, and gets  more into it every day. As my travel date approaches, i sink into what it is i truly am. My relationship with my Master will be balanced with love, tenderness, domination and submission. I also know that there will be times pain will be wrought through  punishment and not so much for the enjoyment for me, but as a slave that is expected. Through our many talks, we know what we desire from each other. There will be times when my body and mind will be pushed beyond what i think i can handle, but i know with his love and care for me, and his training,  it is only the natural progression of what we are.  We as Master/slave have alot to learn with one another, his training will be intense so that he can mold me into what he desires. But i go  into this with open eyes and an open heart and know that this is where i was meant to be. Its what i have wanted and needed for most of my adult life, and until Him, never thought it possible or long lasting.  But i know now that it is. He is my Master and i am his slave! And when we are together, him standing there, my kneeling naked and collared at his feet, i know i am home.

Markings

My Master wrote in his blog, of marking possessions. And as i am one of those possessions, this one will be permanently marked with his cypher on her breast and her slave registration tattoo eventually on her lower back once i am in his proximity. Speaking of which, the plans have been finalized, the flight booked  and now i sit here and wait for the day to arrive. Its a comforting thought to know they are taken care of. In January this one will be taking a plane and crossing the ocean to be with her Master full time and it brings this one such peace to know the plans are finalized. Now back to markings, i relish the idea of being permanently marked, to be able to look down upon my breast and see His cypher there, to know that when He takes me from behind he will see the slave registration marked on my skin, so either from the front or the back He will know he put them there as a commitment to Us. As i have stated before my body is his to do with as he wishes and i have no qualms of being permanately marked by Him, its my commitment to him to have this done. And when we are together, and he is marking me with the tool of his choice, again the commitment is there. And even those markings wont last, he can repeat the process as often as he likes, for my body is his. The cypher and slave registration code will be permanent and mixed with everything else that we do, i know in my heart and soul i am his slave for ever more. And as his slave that makes me extremely happy

Changes

Life is about changes, whether wanted or not. Fortunately for this one the changes that i am enduring are by choice and desire. I spoke about before about re-lactation, herbal supplements, nipple stimulation and breast massage all help to make this feasible, even though not pregnant. We have no desire to have a child, but do wish to enjoy the benefit of my breasts producing milk. Other changes that will occur once i am with Him, will include corset training to slim my waist and make those breasts more pronounced, and to enhance my hips and buttocks that He enjoys so much. My Master has purchased two corsets for me to wear. One i will wear immediately and the other is smaller in size once my body adjusts to the corset training i will endure. More changes will be non physical, my mindset will be in slave mode, to be obedient, wanton, and endure what ever He wishes to do to me in my training. There will be anal training as well, getting used to wearing plugs and tails, it will be a process for my body to adjust to and become accustom to, to the point it becomes second nature. This one will be bound in a rope harness to wear when naked or under clothing if we should go out to tend to everyday things, can be doubly plugged upon his whim or not.  My mindset will be of the total woman that my Master wants. I will be his friend, his lover, his sex slave, his wanton beast. My days will be filled with the balance of all of that and so much more. Will endure exquisite pain and pleasure, for the benefit of us both.
The fire that burns within us both is equally matched, we know what we want and what works for us. My willing slavery to Him, is what he wants in a woman, His domination and control of me is what i want in a man. We are a perfect fit and that will endure for always as we move forward and grow together.

my future

this one sits in a quiet home, early in the morning, and drinking a warm cup of coffee, just took my supplements to re induce lactation, and her breasts feel achy, but no production of milk yet.  Her thoughts roam to the time in January when she will be in her Masters arms, wearing his collar permanently attached to her neck. Kneeling at his feet or crawling along side him as he walks. This ones body and mind ache to feel his touch, whether soft or harsh. Her soul aches to feel the fire she knows he can stir in her and will continue to grow and foster. It is time for Him and his slave to be together, to touch and caress one another, to continue her training and grow as Master and slave.  To be what they both truly want more than anything. Fate brought us together in a virtual world and with one rl meeting and time spent together, they know they belong together. So come January 2012, it will be their reality for the rest of their days. Personally this one cannot wait. It is time!

women

Since i had a comment posted by my Master and he wishes to know how i feel about modern women and yesterdays women i have been thinking alot. In this ones personal opinion, before womens lib, women were docile, complacent, knew their place in the household and in the world environment. Todays society makes alot of demands of women, to become bread winners, to not only take care of the house, kids, and their spouse, but to contribute to bills, and other societal demands. I do not wish to offend anyone, but by the changes wrought over the last few decades, i sometimes think we forget what it is to be a woman.
To me, being a woman is about being  soft, beautiful, loving, willing to do what it takes to please her partner. And since i am also a slave, a willingness to give up anything and everything for her Master, to be what he wishes and desires. That does not mean to say that i do not have a voice, or that i am a mindless doll to be played with. Quite the opposite. Our relationship is a give and take. He wants a woman that he can have an intelligent conversation with, to be able to lovingly seduce her, or take her with such force as to make her feel nothing more than his lowly beast. He wants a woman that can compose herself in society but behind close doors is nothing than a naked wanton slut, or a lowly beast on her hands and knees, bound and used to his liking.  For me that is being a woman. i sometimes think i was born in the wrong era, but theres nothing i can do about that now. But i know what i am and what my Master wants and he will have it with all the love that i can give. To be a woman for me, is to be demure, loving, craving her Master all the time, to do the things he demands of me and wishes from me with out reservation or hesitation. For i unconditionally give my all to him. Heart body and mind.

what possesses someone

What would possess someone to willingly and completely give over her mind and body over to another. Where she has no or little say in what happens to her. Why would she allow her mind and body to go through exquisite pain and pleasure. Why would she allow body modification to meet her Masters goals and ideals. There are so many questions as to why it is that we do what we do. But for this one, its an easy answer. It is something  this one has wanted for much of her adult life. Many would argue that its an escape from reality. But reality is what we make it.  My reality has been up to this point, the typical life of a woman, going through her daily tasks, paying bills, grocery shopping , taking care of home and hearth, etc. In this ones humble opinion, society has taken  out the complete woman in all of us. Come January of 2012, it will be so totally different. It will be a reality of service to ones Master. To be the loving doting partner, the wanton slut bound and used to her Masters pleasure, to be the beast crawling on the floor, leashed and trained. That is what possesses me, my training  will incorporate all the aspects of a total woman.  To put aside the societal drills incorporated in her head, to be free to feel beautiful, wanton, desired, used, taken. To not only experience pleasure but to give it to the one that controls her as well,  and be able to experience pain with pleasure. To meet head on the dark pleasures of ones mind, with the likeness of another. That is what possesses me.

a dream i had

i awoke from a dream i believe will be in my future. In other words the dream will become a reality probably more than once.  I dreamt that i was in a cage, bound tightly, in a kneeling position naked.  My arms tightly bound behind me, my legs and feet bound to the rest of my body so i could barely move. i was hooded and all my senses were taken away, i could not hear anything, see anything nor speak, the hood was tightly afixed to my head, with a built in gag, some sort of stuffing was in my ears to mute my hearing, the hood had a built in gag. My ass and pussy was stuffed with a dildo and large anal plug, afixed with a rope harness so they could not come out. My nipples were clamped, the delicious ache ringing through out my body.I was put in the cage for some sort of punishment. I was left there to contemplate my reality. My body ached, i felt every nerve tingling, the hood was warm, my breath was slow and easy. In a sense it was comforting to be in the position i was in, it reiterated my status as to what i voluntarily submitted to.  Every movement reminded me what i was, if i shifted slightly i could feel the dildo and plug shift with me. I could feel the ropes that held me bound, i could feel the ache of my nipples. I was contemplating my mistake, (which wasnt clear in the dream) but i knew He wasnt pleased, its why i was where i was. I do not know how long He will keep me there, but that is not for me to worry about. He has the right to keep me there till He feels i have made penance. Nothing is worse for a slave than to be ignored by her Master, to disappoint him or be punished for a mistake.  But we are  human and mistakes happen and i sat in my cage, tightly bound, knowing the punishment was warranted. And content knowing He could and would punish me strictly but  fairly.  After all it is a Masters job to keep control over his possession even when they wrong.

Chains of Steel

i was given this assignment to write about Chains of Steel and what it means to me. Beyond the obvious, as a slave, chains of steel can refer to the chains i will be wearing through out my life as a slave. Whether leashed, shackled or hobbled the chains will restrict my movements highly.They can be worn as a reminder to what i am or as a punishment for what i may do wrong. But as i was given this assignment, i thought of other chains of steel, and here i speak figuratively. My heart wears chains inexplicably linked to my Master. My body is his to mold and take control of therefore also chained to him. My mind is forever changing in what it means to be a slave under my Masters control. The chains of ones heart, body and soul to another is stronger than any chains of steel my body may be wearing at any given time. For its the goal of a slave to always be pleasing, to be what her Master wants and desires. To be molded into what he desires from a slave such as me. There is a fire that burns deep in this one, that wants nothing than to give her all to Him. Her Master has told her over and over that he wants the complete woman, a lover, a slut, a beast to do with as he wishes. He will break the chains that society has placed in me, and mold new ones get that complete woman He so desires. And i cannot wait till the actuality of all that takes place. As old chains are shed and news ones forged for what i am and will become.

random thoughts

i awoke this morning, breasts deliciously achy, got up,got dressed and pulled my hair back into a loose ponytail, that is one of the instructions from my Master. My hair is to be up in a ponytail or braid till i am kneeling in front of him. Went downstairs and made coffee, opened up my machine and logged into here. To be instructed to do something even when he is hundreds of miles away is such a comforting thought. He has bought me two corsets for waist training for when i arrive there. To be bound in a corset tightly with breasts thrust up seems like a delicious form of training and bondage, see my body is His to do with as he wishes and over time my waist will be shrunk through this training. I am very much looking forward to this as well as many other things He has in store for me, although i can only speak of the anticipation of it all right now, there will be a time i can speak of the reality of it. And i will blog about my experiences. Over the last several months we have spoken of many things. The corset training is one of them. He wishes to also give me anal training so that i can comfortably take him or any tool he wishes to place there, in that orifice when he desires it. He has spoken of enemas to cleanse me, an anal hook to enhance my posture. There will be times i will be in a harness via rope or leather and doubly plugged as well as i carry out my day. January can not come fast enough. He has also devised a set of rules for me, that i will learn and memorize. He desires perfection and i will strive for that. One of these rules is that while at home, i will be kept naked at all times, there will be a robe by the door in the event of unexpected visitors. I will be kept in some form of bondage as well.

update on shi

Its been over a year since i posted on this blog, and many things have happened but  i will focus on my slavery to my Master. In just a couple of months, this one will be in her Masters collar permanently, and kneeling at His feet. W/we have spent much time discussing what my slavery will entail. He has decided that i should be lactating by the time i am at his feet. So this one is currently on supplements to enhance and help that to happen. Of course i have lactated before from having children, but this time i am not pregnant, so i did a lot of research to see how it is done. I am taking three supplements daily and since nipple stimulation is key,  i place wooden clothes pins on them every two hours for 10-15 mins at a time. Doing that has definitely made a difference. Every time i take the supplements, i think of the goal, i think of Him, and look forward to January 2012. My breasts are definitely feeling different and i am  confident that i will be producing milk soon or definitely by the time i join him for good.
My slavery has grown deeper in my mind and heart and i long to feel Him close to me, to be able to smell him, and be in his bonds, i know in my heart that my slavery will not always be easy, but He has reassured me we will always have a balance. This one is His woman , lover,slave, slut and beast. And i could not  be happier.